Hellmouth Follies: School Hard

Season Two, Episode Two

11/28/08

SHE comes in from the kitchen with more pie, and says, “Oh, are we starting?” HE understands that this is Thanksgiving humor, and grants her a courtesy laugh. In this episode, Spike makes his Buffy debut. Nuf sed.

The Slayer’s Soiree

SHE: What kind of reaching out is this—making juvenile delinquents help?
HE: It’s a surefire way to insure that the evening is a disaster. Who better to put in charge of parent-teacher night than a student who stabbed a horticulture teacher with pruning shears?
SHE: Why did guidance put Sheila into horticulture in the first place if she had issues?
HE: I can answer that. No doubt guidance doesn’t think horticulture is a real class, and they treat it like a dumping ground for the scum of the school, like they do with art and music.

HE: Sheila is the proto-Faith—did you notice? She dresses like a skank, she loves cars, and she’s a brunette.
SHE: That’s right! But I didn’t know Faith loved cars. I thought she loved knives.
HE: I don’t think it’s as much the car itself, but what you can do in the car.
SHE: Thank you for that clarification.

HE: What’s with Xander’s gigantic purse? There’s no getting around the fact that that is a purse.
SHE: Look at his shirt. I dropped my pie! Wait, I don’t care anymore because here comes Spike!
HE: We don’t know it at the time, but this is an iconic moment. Spike running over the “Welcome to Sunnydale” sign. Junka junka, junka junka…I forgot about the guitar riffs.
SHE: I was ecstatic when I saw the Caddy.

HE: Dang, he’s already vamped out when he gets out of the car. And his first words in the series?
SHE: What?
HE: “Home sweet home.” Are you kidding? Am I going to be the one who documents all of Spike’s firsts? I can admit I have a mancrush on him, but…
SHE: I was too busy shouting “Yes!”

Spike and Drusilla

SHE: Spike can kill me for fun.
HE: I guess I deserve this after all my Cordelia comments.
SHE: Ah, Nancyboy—that’s your insult, sweetie!
HE: I love Spike’s comment about the crucifixion. That’s such a perfectly withering jibe to make about wannabes.:

If every vampire who said he was at the crucifixion was actually there, it would have been like Woodstock.

SHE: We don’t get to see his normal face until Drusilla walks up to him.
HE: And yet we know she so seldom has a calming effect on him.

HE: “Who am I kidding? I love to brag!” I love how much fun Spike has doing his job.
SHE: He really enjoys his work.
HE: Watch out, Drusilla and the Anointed one are having a creep-out contest. Drusilla’s got that cat-stare-at-nothing look going, so I have to go with her on this one.
SHE: I like Drusilla’s creepiness more. The Anointed One is a tired thing at this point.
HE: I sincerely believe Joss Whedon felt that, too. There is a sea change in this episode that you can trace throughout, what with the changing of the guard, and the reemphasis on fun, not ritual…

No More Disappointments

HE: Joyce should call the school and get Buffy’s scores if she’s so worried about it. Nowadays you can go online and get them.
SHE: Yes, but this was back in the Dark Ages. Besides, it’s sweet to watch her parent.
HE: Right, but again I say, if she was so worried, she could have picked up the phone and called, oh, I don’t know, a teacher!
SHE: That wouldn’t have made a very interesting plot point.

HE: Do you like Buffy’s pajamas? They have flowers, watering cans, and shovels on them.
SHE: Was that on purpose?
HE: I suppose she wears pajamas every night on purpose.
SHE: No! Is that her latent support for horticulture?
HE: What? I blanked out when you said “whore.”

The Night of St. Vigius

SHE: Spotted it first! Scooby t-shirt on Willow!
HE: What did it look like?
SHE: It was just Scooby. Aren’t you going to tell us the significance of that shirt?
HE: Um, no, I think I’ll let you do it.
SHE: It’s one of the things you find out in Buffy trivia. They don’t start talking about themselves as the Scooby gang, but they kind of flow into it. You must be tired or something.
HE: Actually, I was focused on how the order never accurately calculated the Mesopotamian calendar, according to Jenny. And Miss Calendar should know about calendars, waah wahh.

HE: Why is Buffy covering for Sheila?
SHE: Because that’s what bad kids do. They cover for each other. Honor among thieves.
HE: None of what you said applies to reality, my dear.

SHE: Well, this show was set in the nineties. It was different back then.
HE: Kinder and gentler, what with the bicycles built for two.
SHE: You’re thinking 1890’s.
HE: Taffy pulls. Sunday school picnics. The Teapot Dome Scandal.
SHE: Okay, you can stop now. And the Teapot Dome Scandal happened in the 1920's, wiseass.

HE: Hey, there’s new music at the Bronze.
SHE: Can’t believe they take homework to the Bronze.
HE: That lead singer wears glasses.
SHE: He looks like an engineering student. What was the name of the group?
HE: Nickel, I believe. Their poster was conveniently posted behind the band as they were performing. Joss likes to do that. He likes to plug the band on a poster, or a sticker in a locker, or something like that during the show itself.

HE: Xander is wearing a shirt that does not suck in this scene.
SHE: I wondered about that. Then I thought it may have been a trick of lighting.
HE: You are as correct as you are beautiful. We should assume that his shirt sucked as always, and that any non-suckage was an optical illusion.
SHE: Yes, that’s best.

The Vampire’s Prophecy

HE: Spike’s first visit to the Bronze occurs here.
SHE: And I wonder if the menu has the Bloomin’ Onion yet.
HE: It’s downright mean to talk about The Outback during the show.

HE: I enjoy how Spike watches and scouts before he tangles with somebody.
SHE: It’s really very intelligent of him. Why does Buffy just let him walk off?
HE: Beats me. Miles to go and promises to keep, I guess.

SHEILA: [notices her two companions are missing] What happened to them?
SPIKE: They got sleepy.

HE: Lookie here! Angel knows Spike!
SHE: Intrigue! But I’m only fake-intrigued by this development, because I already know how Angel knows Spike.
HE: We all know how Angel knows Spike.
SHE: What I don’t understand is how unhelpful Angel is for someone who was called by the Powers That Be to help.
HE: Thank you for that. It’s like Angel got the cosmic equivalent of jury duty being sent to this Hellmouth, and he’s only going to do what he absolutely has to, nothing more.
SHE: He really is mailing it in.
HE: Did you notice the bit about the nature of the Hellmouth and how it perks up the vampires? It’s like a spa, like Baden Baden or something.
SHE: It’s convenient to have all those teenagers on the Hellmouth.
HE: Like “Happy Meals with legs,” as Spike would say.

Preparations

HE: Jenny with her hair up isn’t nearly as hot.
SHE: I am loving Miss Calendar’s updo. I think she looks fabulous.
HE: Sarah Palin kind of ruined the updo for me.
SHE: Yes, but you must watch the show in the context of the time.
HE: Dang, that was a very historical criticism-like thing for you to say.
SHE: I do love to criticize.

HE: That’s a neat outfit Cordelia’s wearing. Very Eastern.
SHE: I love how she’s there to insult, even when things are very bad.
HE: She will insult you through thick and thin, through good times and bad. She’s always there for you…with an insult. She says she’s going to get her legs waxed…think she does it anywhere else?
SHE: This is Buffy the Vampire Slayer, not Sex in the City.

HE: Yeah, but do you think she does? Okay, what’s with the facial expression?

Parent-Teacher Night

HE: Their parent-teacher night looks about as well-attended as ours.
SHE: There’s what, seven people there?
HE: More if you count the vampires. But they probably didn’t sign up for times.

William the Bloody

HE: William the Bloody was known for torturing his victims with railroad spikes. What do you make of that?
SHE: Lots of misinformation in this episode. I don’t think the railroad spikes ever get mentioned again.
HE: It makes me think of Promontory Point, Utah, and the Transcontinental railroad.
SHE: It makes me think of my trip to Chicago last summer on the train.
HE: Because you traveled on a spike?
SHE: Because you mentioned trains. This is a great episode, and we’re stuck on railroad spikes.

HE: Spike may be only 200, but he’s 2-0 vs. slayers. That’s a record you can’t argue with.
SHE: But Giles doesn’t tell her this before she faces him.
HE: Why, is that kind of thing important?
SHE: It’s probably best she doesn’t know.

The Party Crashers

SHE: Xander does a lot of non-comprehending what he’s supposed to do, although his shirt could probably be a first good attack.
HE: To daze and distract the opponent? Or just reduce their morale to a shambling heap?
SHE: I think it’s hard to fight when you’re barfing.

HE: The vampire Spike’s talking to looks like he has jaundice. Many vampires have this affliction, I’ve noticed, but not our favorite ones.
SHE: I think it’s all in their diet. The stronger they are, the better pickings they have regularly. You know there’s got to be weakling vampires out there who can barely kill mice.

HE: Oh no! They’ve cut the phones…no one can arrange a salon appointment to fix Jenny’s hair!
SHE: I think Jenny’s hair is perfectly fine.
HE: Well, you’re wrong.
SHE: Says the man who wants to cut his own hair at every opportunity.
HE: Ain’t no beautician gonna tell me how to do me!
SHE: You got that from a movie.
HE: Yeah, okay. Sort of. Drumline. I stand by my statement.

Buffy Takes Over

SHE: This was a very tense sequence. I was nervous, and I had seen it before.
HE: Where the hell is Angel? You’d think he’d show up to face his old nemesis.
SHE: Slacking off. I have to ask—do they still have axes in cabinets at school?
HE: No. I think I speak for many education professionals when I say I’d rather see the building burn down than see a teenager with an axe.

False Allies

SHE: Does this count as another sneak-up on Buffy?
HE: No, because in order to count, Buffy 1) cannot know that the sneaker was there, and 2) she has to jump or otherwise express surprise once the sneak-up has concluded. Neither of these conditions have been met.
SHE: She did seem surprised that Sheila had become a vampire.

HE: Xander as bait! I love it! Don’t really know what purpose it served, but I love it.
SHE: Usually Xander’s giving it to Angel.
HE: Seriously, what was the point of all that?
SHE: Angel was trying to make Spike think he was still Angelus. Thus giving Angel the excuse to walk around with Xander in a headlock.
HE: I like how Angel didn’t bother to fill Xander in on the plan. “Undead liar guy,” he says. What a doof. So Spike doesn’t know Angel has a soul. I thought he knew.
SHE: Oh, he knew. In that scene Spike knew.
HE: Alright, then my point is this: How could Angel not know that Spike knew already?
SHE: Uh…lack of working at it, like everything else? Like I said, just an excuse to put Xander in a headlock.
HE: Who says Angel doesn’t have fun?

Face Off

HE: Spike calls Angel an “Uncle Tom.” Dang, that’s quite an insult.
SHE: Of course, young viewers today wouldn’t get that reference.
HE: Sadly, you’re correct.

HE: Here’s another first! The first Buffy-Spike fight!
SHE: I sense tension between Spike and Buffy.
Let’s focus on the fight, turbo. How would you score it?
SHE: Buffy won.
HE: No way! I’d say it was a draw…although I’d have to say that Spike was ahead on points when Joyce broke up the match.

SHE: What an ending to a fight scene.
HE: Yeah, the mother of one of the combatants interferes and stops the match. I think I saw this on WWE Raw once. I’m going to declare that Spike is 0-0-1 v. Buffy.

A Little More Fun

SHE: Snyder knows about vampires. Now we know he’s evil.
HE: Worst. Conspiracy. Ever. It’s interesting how early in the series, Whedon has everyone still somewhat oblivious to all these supernatural goings-on, and then later it just becomes one of those extremely poorly-kept secrets that everyone already knows about.

SHE: I like how Spike calls that kid “the Annoying One.”
HE: The book on the annoying kid has been closed, mirabile dictu. That was truly awesome. No wonder Spike wasn’t killed off, as he was originally supposed to have been.
SHE: Bravo.

HE: The feast was ruined by Spike’s impatience! A trend is born.
SHE: We could put a scoreboard up for that one, too.
HE: “Spike Gets Impatient”? You may have something there.

HE: “Let’s see what’s on TV.” After all the tumult, this is a great ending line.
SHE: Very anti-climactic. I bet they watched “Passions.”

Next time on Hellmouth Follies: “Inca Mummy Girl.”