Prophecy Girl

10/8/08

The Master Shall Rise

SHE: Brace yourself, honey.
HE: Oh, sweet Jesus, does it ever stop with this guy?
SHE: No. No it doesn’t.



HE: Ouch, that had to hurt.
SHE: I like the slow-mo Buffy toss onto the ground.
HE: I also liked her slow smirk as the vampire realizes who it’s up against.
SHE: I don’t think there are any other fight scenes in the series shot like that one.




HE: Ho korias phanaytie toutay tay nuktee. The Master Shall rise, and the slayer…What? Turns bi? Eats fries?
SHE: We don’t get enough views of the library through the skylight.
HE: Did we realize there was a skylight before this episode?

HE: Yes! Yes! Shake, earth! Look! It’s the Master’s sex face!
SHE: I am not frightened by this master…bator. The 5.1 question was funny, though.

---

Xander and Buffy

SHE: The vampires are getting cockier.
HE: I like those sunglasses…very steampunk.
SHE: I liked them too. I didn’t know they were steampunk, though.
HE: Sure. Round, and goggle-ly. I want a pair.


SHE: Does that ‘leave’ thing actually work?
HE: Not unless you’re a Jedi. How did Xander get that kid to leave?
SHE: Is it possible Xander wasn't at the bottom of the social ladder after all?
HE: If such a place exists, I don't want to imagine it.

HE: Such a painful scene.
SHE: Watch, his heart breaks into three pieces here.
HE: “Desperation is a stinky cologne,” like they say in Super Troopers.
SHE: She was honest with him, and he gets snotty in the end. Men.
HE: Xander turns into a little bitch when he gets rejected. Then he gets indignant. Buffy doesn’t want to spoil the friendship they have. By spoil she means violate it six ways from Sunday. Yuck!

---

Apocalypse?

SHE: Miss Calendar’s dress is horrible. It was like a plaid wannabe.
HE: I think she’s pretty.
SHE: Yes. But her dress, it was horrible.
HE: Did you notice the horseshoe Giles has above his door?
SHE: No.
HE: Well, there was one. I don’t think it brings him much luck, though. And Giles’s calendar is turned to June. What's up with that?
SHE: Weird. I thought it was May.
HE: Maybe they had a bunch of snowdays.

SHE: Now Xander’s been rejected by two women.
HE: Willow is very sweet in this scene…and assertive.
SHE: Nice to see. It’s actually kind of surprising, considering she has the hots for him.
HE: Xander’s going to listen to country music? More like Xander will be masturbating.
SHE: Eww!
HE: You know it’s true.

---

A Prediction

SHE: Giles says that Buffy has thwarted prophecies. Have we had any prophecies yet?
HE: “You may already be a winner”?
SHE: “The value of some collectible plates may not go up. They may go down.”
HE: "Supplies are limited. Act now"?

HE: “Do you think it’ll hurt?” I love the way she delivers this line, so vulnerable. She’s crying.
SHE: I like her thinking. When things get tough, quit.
HE: She’s struggling with her responsibility. “I’m sixteen years old. I don’t want to die.”
SHE: We don’t want her to die, either.
HE: Xander should be the one to die, not her!

---

Buffy Quits

HE: “Sometimes I do know what you’re thinking” Ah, Joyce “Dramatic Irony” Summers.
SHE: And here we have dufus Joyce with no clue what’s going on.
HE: Joyce met Buffy’s father going stag at a party, and Joyce’s father was with someone else. Why am I not surprised?
SHE: This will come back in seven seven when we find out he’s run off with the secretary.

---

An Attack

HE: That is a roomful of dead teenagers.
SHE: I like the deception in this scene. Ah, the boys are watching cartoons. And you think she’s going to walk up to the couch and see her boyfriend dead. And then she opens the door and her boyfriend falls out.
HE: It also explains why Cordelia wanted Willow to set up the AV. So they could walk in on this bloodbath together.

HE: What do you think of Buffy’s dress?
SHE: I love it. It’s beautiful.
HE: I don’t think a later-series Buffy could have pulled it off, though. Too skinny.
SHE: She slimmed down as she went on.

---

Sending the Child

SHE: When is this barrier supposed to stop baking? He keeps testing it.
HE: It’s like a mouth sore you can’t stop putting your tongue on.
SHE: I’m still not scared of the master.
HE: Why should you be? It's not like he's going to rise from the Hellmouth any time soon.
SHE: He's the Global Warming of villains. Someday, he might get you.
HE: It's a wonder you don't have crackpot Watchers saying there isn't enough evidence for his existence.

HE: Giles gets slapped down by his slayer!
SHE: I forgot that she punches him.
HE: Not the last time she does. These characters have a habit of suckerpunching each other on this show.
SHE: It only gets worse as it goes on. It’s a rough crowd.

---

Going After the Master

HE: Oh joy, creepy kid again.
SHE: Did you catch the Borg reference?
HE: I did. I love that Locutus is based on the Latin word loquor, to speak. I am truly a word geek.

HE: Xander, “man” of action. I’m doing the finger quotes thing around the word man.
SHE: He doesn’t act like a man, but when no one takes him seriously, he gets all snotty.
HE: This character has a lot of verisimilitude. Like a lot of teenagers I know.

HE: Ooh, Xander with the cross.
SHE: Interesting exchange.
HE: Why doesn’t Angel just slap it out of his hand?
SHE: Part of the problem is Angel puts up with Xander. If he slapped him around a little bit, the whole relationship would be different.
HE: But then Buffy would get pissed off.
SHE: I’m thinking she’d get over it.

---

Giving In

SHE: Where’s shortcake going?
HE: Isaiah said “a child would lead them,” not “a child would lead them, and then hang around to see what happens.”
SHE: Is he going home to bed? Is he going to put on his footie pajamas?
HE: Now that I think about it, isn't he supposed to be the Master's protege? You'd think he'd at least want to see how it's done.
SHE: Who cares? Let's just count our blessings that he's off-screen for a while.

HE: Why is Angel panting, if he has no breath?
SHE: Good question.
HE: Is he just showing off? Ooh, I ran down here!
SHE: Maybe he’s just used to it; he never outgrew it when he became a vampire.
HE: Vestigial breathing?

---

Going Aboveground

HE: Cordy to the rescue! Well, she’s been saved enough times this season, I guess it’s only fitting.
SHE: Black is white. Night is day. Buffy’s dead? Cordelia to the rescue?
HE: Bang-up job, too. Cordelia drove her car into the school! Worst driver ever.
SHE: She was probably looking for an excuse to do that all year.
HE: I want to know how she got her license, what with flunking Driver's Ed twice. Remember "Witch"?
SHE: I had forgotten! Cordelia truly is a bad, bad driver. Forget Buffy. Just have Cordelia run over the Master.

HE: Yes, Willow, wheel the copier in front of the doors. That’ll help.
SHE: Hey, copiers are heavy.
HE: At least take it off the cart then.

HE: Buffy gets bit so many times, her neck has track marks like a heroin addict’s.
SHE: I forgot she got bit by the Master. I thought Angel was the only one.
HE: Nope. Her neck’s the village bicycle. Everyone gets a turn. Except Xander.
SHE: Do you ever get tired of being crude?
HE: Is that a rhetorical question?

---

Fighting Power

HE: Never before and never again do we hear the theme song during the show itself.
SHE: I thought “rock and roll, holy smokes, they’re playing the theme.”
HE: Wasn’t this supposed to be the only season? That might have been why.

HE: Joss Whedon likes to film people marching toward stuff.
SHE: We should film ourselves doing that.
HE: What would we march towards?
SHE: The only place you march toward with a purpose is the dinner table.
HE: Oh, snap!

---

The Hellmouth Demon

HE: That’s a fugly demon.
SHE: He’s scary. Rock on.
HE: Like a hydra. I think it was inspired by Whedon's Aliens days.

HE: “I may be dead, but I’m still pretty. Which is more than I can say for you.”
SHE: Great line. I liked her line about hell at the end.
HE: I liked “You have fruit punch mouth.”
SHE: It must be a great scene. We're reduced to parroting quotes.
HE: What you said.

---

Aftermath

SHE: Why didn’t the skeleton get dusted?
HE: I want to know why the skeleton didn't get up and keep fighting! Lazy skeleton!
SHE: He doesn't have any heart.
HE: ...

SHE: Now, the slow walk, with the Theme Song slow plinky piano version.
HE: Their back-to-normal banter is so reassuring..
SHE: That’s one apocalypse down.
HE: Yay. We finished Season One. Any comments about the season as a whole?
SHE: Season One is not one of my favorite seasons, but it’s fun to watch. Quite a few things I don’t think I’d seen before. What was your favorite part of Season One?
HE: I don’t know. I guess the one with Sid the Puppet.
SHE: And "Out of Mind, Out of Sight." I liked that one.
HE: I kind of liked “The Pack,” too.
SHE: I feel like we should celebrate or do something.
HE: Wanna watch Fight Club?
SHE: You really know how to talk to a girl.
HE: Okay, fine. Tombstone?
SHE: Now you're talking.


Next Time: Season Two's premiere episode, "When She Was Bad."

Out of Mind, Out of Sight

“Out of Mind, Out of Sight”
10/4/08

The Popular Ones

SHE: I was worried we were going to become invisible.
HE: It has been a long time. And the public clamor…indescribable!
SHE: We had to move this to the top of our priority list. Just to avoid another catastrophe, what with Wall Street and the bailout and whatnot.

HE: “I just love springtime. Me in bright, spring fashions.” Cordelia is in high form in this episode. She has so many great one-liners.
SHE: This is one of my favorite episodes of all seven seasons.

“My eyes are hazel, Helen Keller.”

HE: Why does Buffy feel like she has to explain stuff when she doesn’t?
SHE: I don’t know. Especially since she’s not very good at it.

SHE: Look, actual teaching at school.
HE: God, I hate it when TV teachers read in class. Am I teaching? Am I acting? Who knows! It’s like they’re either there to be mocked or they’re having a Mr. Holland’s Opus moment. And all in ten seconds or less, because no one’s paying attention. They’re not the star.
SHE: I like how at Sunnydale they teach right up to the bell.
HE: Yeah, the bell always takes them by surprise.
SHE: That happen a lot to you at school?
HE: I think we’ve had this conversation before. I like Cordelia’s observations, though.
SHE: With Shylock it’s whine whine whine. Shylock should get over himself.
HE: I’d kill for a student like Cordelia.
SHE: Her comments are typical Cordelia, but they’re relevant to the text.


HE: “Mitch is going to die.” It took about .3 seconds for me to appreciate the verbal irony in that statement.
SHE: I’m glad to see we’re now in the boy’s locker room watching a boy getting attacked.
HE: By an invisible female assailant, no less. Total inversion of the convention.
SHE: Plus the shot of the baseball bat was scary.
HE: Scary because it was phallic?

SHE: No, because they did it from the POV of the victim. It’s a scary thought to be hit with a baseball bat.
HE: Her knife from later on is phallic, too. Why are you making that face?
SHE: I think we’re in love with the word phallic.
HE: And by we you mean me?
SHE: Uh huh.

HE: She’s pretty good at yielding that bat…why didn’t she just join the softball team? Oh wait, she’s invisible.
SHE: Think of all the bases she could steal if she were invisible.
HE: Cubs have been playing like they were invisible.
SHE: They need Marcie.
HE: They probably do. She could replace Lee in the three-spot.

A Beating

SHE: Who campaigns like that for May Queen?
HE: Cordelia could be that Flick chick from Election.
SHE: Back to my question. Who campaigns like that for May Queen?
HE: Bribery is a time-honored political maneuver. I think she’ll do well in Congress.


HE: There are no dead students here…this week.
SHE: Great line. I love that line. You have to feel sorry for Principal Snyder, though. It’s at least one casualty a week.
HE: It’s like Roadhouse. It was a good night. Nobody died. You never saw Road House? With Patrick Swayze?
SHE: Nope.
HE: NETFLIX!

HE: Cordelia doesn’t need the loony fringe vote.
SHE: She’s just that strong a candidate. If she were campaigning this season, she wouldn’t come to our state. She doesn’t need the loony fringe vote.

HE: At least Mitch can give an accurate depiction of the assault.
SHE: Most Sunnyvale residents are really bad at that.
They usually make up some crap.
HE: Like, I must have been imagining it.
SHE: Or, I stabbed myself with a BBQ fork in the neck.

HE: Principal Snyder, unlike Flutie, doesn’t allow Buffy into the crime scenes? WTF! What kind of school has this become?
SHE: Indeed, the terrorists have finally won.

Invisible Assailant

HE: Are those cherries on Buffy’s skirt?
SHE: I didn’t notice. I was too busy watching Harmony bounce down the stairs.
HE: Harmony sure knows how to take a fall, that’s for sure.
SHE: True. She made it through with just a bum ankle. But she deserved it.
HE: I like how Skinner handled the emergency. “You! School nurse. Now!”
SHE: What was he supposed to do?
HE: Exactly what he did. Pick one person and direct them. Not any of this “somebody go get the nurse crap.”
SHE: It’s creepy when she gets to the top of the stairs and hears the girl laughing.
HE: Disembodied laughter is always creepy. Disembodied anything is usually creepy.
SHE: Disembodied heavy breathing is creepy.
HE: Disembodied throat clearing is not creepy, but still strange.
SHE: Disembodied nose blowing really gets me.

HE: Maybe it’s a vampire bat? …even a blind squirrel can find a nut sometimes. Good one, Xander.

SHE: Look at all those band trophies in the band room. Their band rocks.
HE: It’s a spooky band room. I guess my high school would have the spooky Ag room.
SHE: Really, the Ag room is spooky?
HE: No, we didn’t have much of a band.

A Good Vampire

SHE: Did you see the shot of the FBI guys?
HE: Yeah, who are the suits outside the school?
SHE: It’s cool not knowing that’s important later. The second time you see it, you recall that’s important later.
HE: There are few non sequiturs in Joss Whedon’s world.


HE: Did you notice Willow is wearing a Scooby-Doo t-shirt?
SHE: No, I missed that! We’re going to have to watch this episode again.
HE: I think it’s the first reference to the Scoobies. And did you notice that Xander has his skateboard! Did you see it?
SHE: What the hell? I’m starting the episode over.


SHE: I forgot that Giles has not met Angel until this scene.
HE: I like how Giles does a double take on the glass, just to make sure we caught it. Then he says, “a vampire casts no reflection,” just to make sure we caught it.
SHE: But it’s creepy! He’s casting no reflection, and Angel’s able to sneak up on him. Didn’t you jump?
HE: No. I was thinking about the doubletake. All it needed was a slide whistle.

HE: “A vampire in love with a slayer. How poetic, in a maudlin sort of way.” I love it when Giles brings out the heavy-hitting adjectives. He’s awesome.
SHE: He’s a reader with a great vocabulary.
HE: I was wondering if the library could order the Tiberius Manifesto through Interlibrary loan.

SHE: Sure, sweetie. ILF has Interlibrary loan so screwed up it may actually show up at our library. I have a copy of the Pergamum Codex.
HE: That’s saying something. There were over 200,000 volumes there. How about the Legends of Vishnu?
SHE: Sorry, we don’t deal in scrolls.

On Being Invisible

SHE: Poor girl, I feel sorry for her. I was teased by the popular kids in high school, too.
HE: She should realize that maybe her toupee joke just wasn’t funny.
SHE: Cordelia says it two minutes later and they all laugh!
HE: It’s all in the delivery. Ask me, “What’s the secret of comedy?”
SHE: What’s the—
HE: Timing!


HE: Cordelia’s May Queen speech in the quad…I like how she keeps talking in the background during the principals talk. She’s back there ranting like Mussolini.
SHE: She does go on a bit long. I like Buffy’s outfit. The up-do.
HE: The blue thing around her neck—what do you call that?
SHE: A choker.
HE: Are you serious?
SHE: I’m serious. Not a grab-your-dong choker, a neck choker.
HE: I thought it was a sweatband. But I’d like to hear more about this “grab-your-dong choker” you speak of.
SHE: I don’t want to talk about your dong.

Perceived Reality

HE: Dude! look at the size of that stomper!
SHE: She’s got big feet. Was that a combat boot tread?
HE: Sure looked like it. Dang!


HE: Ghost Flute doesn’t put her crap away. Look, just because you’re invisible, doesn’t mean your crap is, too.
SHE: I’d like to point out that yet someone else sneaks up on Buffy. She even pulls a knife and Buffy doesn’t notice.
HE: But does this really count? She didn’t touch the shoulder, and Buffy didn’t yelp.
SHE: How close does she need to be before Buffy notices her? She needs to breathe, right? And those big clompers of hers have to make some noise.

HE: No! Don’t kill the English teacher! What did Ms. Miller do, other than overact Shakespeare? Like that hasn’t been done before. We just don’t get many English teachers on this show.
SHE: I guess the point was to scare Cordelia some more by attacking the English teacher?
HE: I’m sorry, Joss. That’s just going too far.
SHE: I could never imagine harm coming to an English teacher.
HE: Yeah, leave them alone.

Cordelia

SHE: They introduce a quantum mechanical component to the show here. Not just witches and demons anymore.
HE: Giles hates overlooking stuff. I mean, fist-pound-on-the-table hates. But I think in this case he should forgive himself.


HE: Ms. Miller is a crappy-ass teacher. Doesn’t call on Marcie Ross. Doesn’t even notice when she turns invisible in front of her.
SHE: Yeah, what’s with that? Wouldn’t she notice that the girl is gone?

HE: An all-time great line from Cordelia: “This is all about me…Me, me, me!”
SHE: And me!
HE: And me!

“I don’t recall seeing you here before.”
“Oh no. I have a life.”

HE: Cordelia says she was kind of hoping Buffy was in a gang. I think, added to Willow’s shirt, this might be another early reference to the Scoobie Gang.
SHE: So we have two references in one episode?
HE: Proto-references, maybe.

HE: I don’t understand why they are crowning the May Queen at the Bronze.
SHE: It’s a school event. Wouldn’t they be doing that at school?
HE: Maybe the gymnasium wasn’t available.
SHE: Have they had anything horrible happen in the gymnasium lately? Cleaning up murders is an ordeal. Sometimes you can’t get the stains out.
HE: You would have to rewax the floor. That takes forever, and it’s expensive. But it doesn’t explain why Cordelia is getting ready for it at the school.
SHE: You’d think she’d go home.

SHE: I love that Cordelia gets a chance at another dimension in this scene.
HE: She actually has a non-shallow moment here… “working at being popular beats being lonely by yourself.”

Follow the Music

HE: Cordelia’s going to change in the mop closet. Aw, they cut away! Come on!
SHE: ...

SHE: I think Marcie’s loony because she sounds terrible. She needs lessons.
HE: Man, this high school is cavernous.
SHE: You’ve got to love the craftiness of Marcie. She divided and conquered.

HE: Buffy can’t reach up and grab Cordelia? When she was able to jump over the gate in a single bound?
SHE: Yeah, why did she have to flip over the pipe on the way up? I bet she could have jumped up.

HE: Floaty syringe, floaty syringe.
SHE: Marcie is diabolical. She’s like a serial killer.
HE: Where’d she get the black medical bag? Hannibal Lecter Tech?

At the Bronze

HE: How did Marcie get across town?
SHE: With two bodies.
HE: Does she have an invisible car that got ignored by the mechanic?
SHE: Good catch. I didn’t think about that at all.
HE: It would have been so much easier to have it all at the gym.
SHE: Easier on Marcie. Poor girl’s already stressed with being insane and everything.


HE: “You’re not the student; you’re the lesson.” That is an ominous line.
SHE: I guess the "learn" design on the curtain was for Buffy’s benefit?
HE: It really wasn’t well-thought out. Buffy never saw the “listen” sign at the classroom, did she?
SHE: And Cordelia never saw the "look."
HE: All I know is that I don’t think Marcie’s qualified to do plastic surgery.

Rescue

HE: How did Angel know to come rescue the Scoobies?
SHE: He explains later that he smelled the gas when he brought the Codex. Why didn’t he have them thank him?
HE: I want to know where he got the Codex.
SHE:Interlibrary loan, duh.

Listening

SHE: It’s great when Buffy uses her Jedi powers to fight Marcie.
HE: By Jedi powers, you mean listen for the noisy boots?
SHE: Yeah, that snuck up on her earlier when no one was around.


HE: So these suits are creepy? No, that dude’s tie is creepy
SHE: I missed the tie. What was creepy about it?
HE: The one on the left was all Men in Black, while the one of the right was MIB with a splash of Walk the Line. Which was the tie.

Appreciation

SHE: Why does Giles lie about Angel saving them?
HE: I don’t get it either. Does Giles feel threatened? Is he trying to protect Buffy?
SHE: Maybe that’s it, since he pretty much calls Angel out for being in love with Buffy.
HE: Right now he thinks he's invisible to her. Just like Marcie was. And Angel is to mirrors and shiny surfaces.
SHE: Ooh, deep.


HE: I like Xander’s peep show shirt.
SHE: I missed it. I have to watch this episode again.
HE: I guess that’s a car on Buffy’s shirt. I’m really surprised you’re missing these details.

At the FBI

HE: Meanwhile, at the Initiative…

SHE: How does Marcie get into a chair without sitting on somebody?
HE: There’s this great scene from an X-Files episode that deals with the problems of being invisible. You’d always be tripping over stuff, because you can’t judge your distance from things. This guy was running along, and tripped over a bunch of crap in the front yard.
SHE: Cause he didn’t know where his feet were?
HE: Exactly. On the other hand, it would be pretty cool to go commando all the time.
SHE: Wouldn’t you get cold?
HE: You just wear clothes when you want to. Sounds awesome to me.


HE: An Assasination and Infiltration textbook. The text is baffling.
SHE: It’s from “Happiness Is a Warm Gun” from the Beatles’ White Album.
HE: I don’t get the reference.
SHE: Maybe this will help.



SHE: So, did that help?
HE: I’m afraid it didn’t. Now I’m more confused than ever.

Coming Up: Season One's Season Finale, "Prophecy Girl"

Nightmares

“Nightmares”
9/20/08

SHE is back from Boston and better than ever! In this episode, we learn what the characters' worst fears are, we learn about logical fallacies, and we see something so awful one would expect to see it riding in on one of the horses of the Apocalypse.

A New Kid?

HE: Here we are at the master’s lair again. It looks like someone went a little crazy at Bed, Bath, and Beyond.
SHE: It’s a very romantic setting
HE: In a paedophilic sort of way.

HE: For all her terror, I like the pigtails.
SHE: Those were French braids, not pigtails.
HE: For all her terror, I like the French braids. Do you know how to do those.
SHE: I have to admit that I don’t.
HE: Don’t worry about it. I’ll look it up on the interweb. You can find everything there.



HE: Sleeping on that pillow like that is going to give her a kink in her neck.
SHE: That’s what I thought. I wonder how often she has nightmares, living on the hellmouth and being prone to having visions anyway.
HE: Maybe she has a slayer antihistamine to keep the nightmares away.
SHE: Like Nightmare-B-Gone?

HE: Did you see the magical locker in this scene? It’s open, it’s shut…it’s open again!
SHE: I was too busy being angry with all the people who kept walking through the shot.
HE: It should be more like Bayside High. No one ever walked through Zack or A.C’s shot.


HE: Wendell looks like Tommy from the Power Rangers.
SHE: I don’t know who that is.
HE: You know who the Pink Ranger is. Rowr!
SHE: Wasn’t her name Kimberly?

HE: Oh, please. Looks like a trip to Wikipedia is in your future. Did you know she's 37 this year?
SHE: I don't care.
HE: Her real name is Amy Jo Johnson.
SHE: Still don't care.

---

A New Force

HE: The Master loves to give speeches. Is this where Buffy gets it?
SHE: His lectures seem a little silly. When you’re evil, you don’t really need a handbook. And the kid who’s the master’s prodigy looked an awful lot like the kid who shows up in the story.
HE: That’s what I thought at first. Very confusing. You have Billy the astral projector, Billy the coma patient…way too many 12 year-olds in this episode.

HE: Joyce seems to have handled the divorce rather well! A very amicable parting with no harsh words for her ex.
SHE: Totally unrealistic.
HE: Not even a dig. No one’s that magnanimous, not even dopey Mrs. Summers.


SHE: I’m waiting to talk about Xander’s shirt. As soon as he showed up in that shirt, I forgot about everything else. Horrible.
HE: It’s like he lost a fight to a 70’s shower curtain

HE: Hold up, what’s this? Giles is acting rather dodgy.
SHE: What was Giles doing back there? Hmm?
HE: I didn’t realize there was a back room on the second floor.

---

Wendell

HE: I agree with this guy. Why does everyone make the mistake of calling spiders insects?
SHE: I knew that about the arachnids.
HE: Do you know the Greek myth behind the name arachnid.?
SHE: Nope.

HE: It’s interesting. Arachnea was this girl who thought she was the best weaver ever, even better than Athena, who was goddess of the loom. Athena tried to warn her, but Arachnea insisted on a contest. In this contest, Athena wove the constellations, and then turned Arachnea into a spider.
SHE: Who weaves webs.
HE: Yup.

HE: Buffy needs to check her assignments when she misses school.
SHE: She looks like my boyfriend when he takes a test. The test is usually about anniversaries and birthdays.

---

A History Test

HE: Why is Stacey Keach proctoring this test?
SHE: Who’s Stacey Keach?
HE: You know Mike Hammer? Mickey Spillaine? I the Jury?

HE: Seward’s Folly? Harry Truman? Pretty broad range of history for this test.
SHE: Were you reading the questions?
HE: Well, yeah.
SHE: I missed it. I was too busy trying to type clever things
HE: We should hear some of those.

---

Laura is Attacked

HE: Smoking Kills! Apparently the administration felt the janitors needed to get the message.
SHE: At least this person is scared by a real monster.
HE: Not one she made up in her head.

---

Bad Dreams Come True

SHE: Giles is scared of being a big dummy. I wish more people in this world were afraid of being a big dummy. Right, sweetie?
HE: Like the 30% who would vote for a atheist child molester as long as he was a Republican?
SHE: Yes, those kinds of big dummies.

HE: That’s a Nerf Herder sticker in Willow’s locker. Did you see that?
SHE: Nope, I missed it, Eagle Eye.
HE: A little shout out to the theme song people.

HE: Xander shrieks like a girl when he walks into the classroom in his boxers.
SHE: That’s a classic. Someone’s got to be naked in front of a classroom.

HE: Why did it have to be Xander, though?
SHE: Nightmares walk among us.
HE: Makes me think of Illyria. Good times.
SHE: ‘Cause she showed up in her underwear?
HE: No, because she has practically the same line in Angel, Season 5.

SHE: Buffy’s dad is so nice about rejecting her. Who could really be mad at him?
HE: Summers is so cruel here…it’s delicious.
SHE: The worst kind of mean is smiling, personable, and pleasant-voiced.
HE: “You’re not nearly as bright as I thought you were going to be.” I love that line.
SHE: Ouch.

HE: Coming from a guy who’s probably wearing a hairpiece. My only question is why Summers went back into the school afterwards.
SHE: Maybe he had a few illegitimate daughters in there he still needed to reject.
HE: The guy’s a planner.

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Willow’s Conclusion

HE: What did happen to Xander’s clothes? Did they go to the Master?
SHE: No, ugly shirt showed up at the end. That shirt is my nightmare.
HE: As horrifying as Cordelia’s Diana Ross hair.
SHE: I agree. This is not the first time she's wigged out about her hair. Whedon's hair arc is well-planned.
HE: Holy crap. Is that a rubber duckie barrett? I don't care if you are a demon; that's just taking things way too far.

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Asking Billy

HE: Obligatory fashion question: what do you think about Buffy’s powder blue jacket?
SHE: I like it. Not one of my very favorites, but you know.
HE: I really don’t.

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The Ugly Man

HE: Faster if you split up…I just hope that Giles doesn’t have to read any signs on the way.
SHE: For all of Willow’s smarts, she doesn’t realize she’s walking into her own nightmare.
HE: Willow also doesn’t realize the hideousness of those green leggings.

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Who Died?

HE: Swastikas, I get it…Xander’s afraid of Nazis.
SHE: You don’t actually see any Nazis. More importantly, why would someone eat chocolate off the ground?
HE: It’s dream chocolate off the dream ground. Xander follows these candy bars like a Grimm fairy tale.

SHE: Billy’s coach is way off the mark here.
HE: They lost because Billy missed the catch? The coach was committing the fallacy of division. It’s when a person reasons that what’s true of the whole must be true of the parts. They lost the game because of mistakes. Billy made a mistake. Therefore, Billy’s mistake cost them the game. The pitcher put those men on base. Why didn’t Billy’s coach put the pitcher in a coma?
SHE: Sounds more like a confirmation bias. People tend to notice and look for what confirms their beliefs. Probably the coach was disposed to think it was Billy’s fault in any case, so when he dropped the ball, it only confirmed what he was thinking anyway.
HE: Come to think of it, it’s probably a post hoc (ergo propter hoc) fallacy. Mere sequences don’t establish cause. Just because Billy’s botched catch preceded the end of the game, it doesn’t mean that Billy’s error caused the loss.
SHE: Either way, E4, Billy.
HE: Very nice!

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Facing Your Fears

HE: Chocolate Hurricane? It sounds like a sick sexual practice.
SHE: Eww! Yucky! Did you just get your own joke? Why are you laughing now?
HE: Your reaction.


Chocolate Hurricane? It sounds like a sick sexual practice.

HE: Evil clown with a knife! Xander really got the worst of this deal.
SHE: His nightmares were the worst? Are you secretly Xander?
HE: No, a scientific study showed that I am Glorificus.
SHE: You said he had the worst nightmares. Are you afraid of clowns with knives?
HE: Are you saying you’re not afraid of clowns with knives? The woman who can’t watch It?
SHE: Yeah, you got me on that one.


HE: A dream is a wish your heart makes…so did Disney sue?
SHE: Now how are they going to sue the Master? He’s fictional.
HE: I was talking about Joss Whedon.

HE: Not the last time she’ll have to dig herself out of the ground.
SHE: In Boston, 1 out of 10 people were actually buried alive.
HE: I find that hard to believe.
SHE: That’s where they came up with the phrase ‘graveyard watch.’ Someone had to sit in a graveyard all night, listening for the ringing bells from the buried coffins.
HE: I was wondering how long it would take for you to get a Boston reference in.


SHE: Buffy makes a horrible looking vampire.
HE: Actually, I think Vampire Buffy looks kind of hot.
SHE: You have problems.
HE: Not as cool as Vampire Willow or even Vampire Xander for that matter, but still…

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Waking Billy

SHE: Xander’s shirt looks horrible. It’s taken over the whole scene.
HE: I wish they would have started out with the obvious: try slapping him awake!

SHE: Poor Billy. Coach puts him in a coma, and a week later he has to wake up to Xander’s shirt.
HE: Going into a second coma would have been a kindness, but alas, the universe doesn’t work that way.

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Billy’s Coach

SHE: Actually a cheesy ending. Joss doesn’t abuse them, so it’s kind of nice when they happen.
HE: He does in Season 1. Cheese dominated in the endings to “The Pack” with Giles’s “your secret is safe with me,” the “We’re doomed” ending… I disagree. This one had a 90210 feel to it.
SHE: Oh, what do you know? You don’t know anything.

Next time: “Out of Mind, Out of Sight”

BONUS! What bumped Billy Palmer's death off the front page...