Thanks to TheSnerd for this find...how disappointing this was never picked up. If American Dad can continue to exist...?!
The following is a creation by Yunasky20. It speaks for itself:
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Friday, December 26, 2008
Reptile Boy
Season Two, Episode Five
12/26/08
Merry Christmas! SHE is excited about getting a Kit-Kat clock for Christmas, while HE is thrilled about getting the fifth season of The A-Team, but wonders where he can pick up a decent copy of Jesus El Nino Dios. In this episode, we learn about the secret influence of the Illuminati in Sunnydale, what Buffy and Sisyphus have in common, and contemplate the perpetual humiliation of Xander.
HE: Bollywood movies on TV. I like their idea of fun. I wish we got those here.
SHE: I’m sure you can get them on Netflix. But why would you want to? Only one person out of the three got it.
HE: Oh honey. You don’t have to understand art to appreciate art. Xander haging out with the girls here, which is oddly appropriate.
SHE: Interesting he doesn’t turn out to be gay.
HE: I don’t think that was ever definitively established.
SHE: Run, girl, run! The cemetery is that close?
HE: It would have been hilarious if Callie would have climbed over the fence, and then the guys in the hoods would have ran through the open door right next to it.
SHE: Or even better, they all got killed by vampires lurking in the cemetery.
HE: Or by the Illuminati. Why is there a pyramid in this park?
SHE: Maybe it’s the Freemasons.
SHE: I can’t believe Cordelia is studying this stuff.
HE: She’s thinking about her future. I think it’s commendable.
SHE: You would.
HE: I love Cordelia’s forced laughter. She has a classy look this episode.
HE: Speaking of horrible shirts!
SHE: I didn’t notice it. Maybe I’ve just become inured.
HE: That’s a horrible shirt. Puke green.
SHE: On second thought, it is horrible. I thought it was a jacket, which would be at least forgiveable.
HE: “You’ll go to college someday, Xander. I just know your pizza delivery career will take you so many exciting places.” That was an awesome burn, Cordelia!
SHE: He stops to get burned by Cordelia. He can never think of anything to say back.
HE: He gets the first strike in, but never the last. Cordelia’s friend sort of looks like Beth from News Radio. I love her.
SHE: There’s lots of women in TV land you love.
HE: But my heart belongs to you, baby.
HE: Why does Giles even try that shiznit with Buffy? He should just stick with Lecture-Fu.
SHE: That’s his strongest weapon.
HE: Destroying Buffy’s will to live with his talking. Meanwhile, Giles all, “We all have to do things we don’t like.”
SHE: Unfortunately, Buffy, you have to do them all the time. And death will be your only release.
HE: She’s the Sisyphus of Sunnydale!
SHE: Who’s Sisyphus again? You have to tell me, because I have a life.
HE: Har har. Sisyphus was that Greek guy who had to push the rock up the hill, only to have it roll down when he got near the top. Then he’d have to do it all over again. For eternity.
Well, that would suck.
HE: So Xander’s skipped 3 classes.
SHE: We can’t really wonder why he doesn’t get any brighter as the show goes on.
SHE: This part is unbelievable. Would college guys really want to hang out with high school girls?
HE: Are you serious?
SHE: They’re at the age where it really doesn’t matter?
HE: I think they’re portraying these frat guys as predators. I too think it’s a little creepy for college seniors to be trolling the high school looking for dates, but I can totally see it happening.
SHE: How often did you troll high schools when you were in college?
HE: That’s not relevant. What’s relevant is the giraffe pants Buffy is wearing. Also the fact that Richard appears to be wearing lipstick.
SHE: Maybe he just came from a gay bar.
HE: I also like Cordelia’s inappropriate laughter.
SHE: Again. Duly noted. HA HA HA HA HA!
HE: Hilarious.
SHE: Xander should take notes on how Tom woos Buffy.
HE: If that other guy wasn’t such a douchebag, I’d say it was good cop/bad cop. This is kind of an instructional video about being a wingman.
SHE: So Richard’s repelling Buffy towards Tom?
HE: Brilliant strategy. Then Giles comes in, all heavy-handed. He’s really being kind of a dick in this episode.
SHE: More reverse psychology.
SHE: Why does Giles even bother with attacking her?
HE: What exactly is Giles teaching Buffy during these practice sessions? How to avoid breaking someone’s face? How to pull your punches?
SHE: Yeah, because she really doesn’t beat him up very badly.
HE: He’s teaching her self-restraint?
SHE: Kind of counter to the cause.
HE: Hello, it’s Angel! That counts as a sneak-up! She jumped and everything.
SHE: Count it!
HE: “I was just thinking…” You know, every time Buffy is “thinking,” it usually presages something really bad happening. You ever notice that?
SHE: Her being lost in thought is a catalyst?
HE: Exactly. It’s like she has this power that when focused, is deadly and overpowering, but is constantly being defused by stupid stuff and side issues.
SHE: And that’s when things go wrong.
HE: Right. Not only in this episode, or this season, but the whole series, I’d argue.
SHE: So Angel’s messing with her mind in this episode.
HE: Yepperoonie.
HE: “This isn’t a fairy tale. When I kiss you, you don’t wake up from a deep sleep and live happily ever after.” That was pretty cool.
SHE: Intense. Then you paused it.
HE: I had to watch it again. Sorry about that.
SHE: I was in the moment until you “had to watch it again.”
HE: And then Buffy says, “When you kiss me, I want to die.” I love lines that give you pause, and don’t have all their meaning and layers immediately laid out for you.
SHE: Part of her wants to succumb, and it makes perfect sense.
HE: She’s warring with herself. There’s the French le petit mort, the little death, a euphemism for orgasm that this line seems to allude to, as well. Having one’s identity subsumed into someone else’s?
SHE: It’s all or nothing with teenagers. At certain moments, Buffy and Angel were very passionate.
HE: Except for the cookie dough metaphor. I can never forgive that goofery.
HE: Cordelia looks great in that tank top and black bra.
SHE: Buffy curled her hair. It looks pretty.
HE: Whenever there’s an extended period of serious ritual, you know something humorous is a comin! “Brewski time!” And there it is!
SHE: Did you notice one of the brethren whistling as he was coming down the stairs?
HE: At least we didn’t hear a bong percolating.
HE: Look! A card catalog! That’s so hot!
SHE: Made me feel a little weepy. I love a good card catalog.
HE: With actual cards.
SHE: Are kids allowed to jump on the counters at your library?
HE: I think our librarian would disintegrate them with her laser eyes.
HE: Look! Willow’s jeans have been bedazzled! There’s a flower embroidered on them!
SHE: I missed the bedazzled jeans!
HE: You really need to develop an eye for this sort of detail.
SHE: I usually catch the detail.
HE: No.
HE: Cordelia is doing Buffy a favor—teaching her how to be a wingman.
SHE: It’s commendable that she’s so straightforward with Buffy. She’s a real pedagogue.
HE: Another Cordelia classic coming up: “You could belong to a fraternity of rich and powerful men…in the Bizarro World.”
SHE: Burned again! Dang! You should be keeping track.
HE: “That’s not askew. That’s cockeyed.” Good one, Xander. If I were writing a poem about Xander, I think I’d call it, Xander’s Ballad of a Townie. Because it’s really quite sad.
SHE: But Willow’s a townie. And she doesn’t suffer the same mental setbacks.
HE: That’s because Willow, unlike Xander, is actually competent at a few things.
SHE: So Xander’s pretty much stuck in Sunnydale.
HE: There’s always the Army! But we get ahead of ourselves.
HE: Here’s Cordy having a fender bender on the way in.
SHE: She never really masters driving. That’s something she and Buffy actually have in common.
HE: That’s right. Buffy is a bad driver, too.
SHE: I’ve never been to a frat party.
HE: Neither have I. Too bad Xander didn’t stay away. He never has much luck at these things.
SHE: He served no purpose at this party other than to entertain the frat guys.
HE: He advanced the plot wagon. Somebody had to tell Angel and Giles what was going on, and everyone else had been roofied.
SHE: He told Angel and Giles what they already knew. And he pointed out that the guys were wearing hoods. Wow, that was really the difference maker.
HE: I’m sure there was a good reason to make sure that Xander got humiliated. There has to be.
SHE: Xander failed in his mission. He didn’t find Buffy. Instead, he starts dancing and chatting up those girls.
HE: He had to tell them it might have been a cult.
SHE: Maybe the purpose was just to show where Xander existed in the social order.
HE: And to have him dress up like Rocky Horror.
HE: That frat guy is wearing a v-neck sweater and a t-shirt.
SHE: Very 90’s. I liked that look.
HE: And the douchebag is boasting about his Argentinian junk bonds that just matured into double digits…what the hell does that even mean? Somebody get Patrick Bateman or Gordon Gecko or somebody to explain this to me.
SHE: I don't know who any of those people are.
HE: Buffy was roofied before roofies were cool.
SHE: Roofies were never cool. As Xander is being kicked out, he finally remembers Buffy. His whole reason for being there.
HE: In Xander’s defense (and I can’t believe I’m mouthing those words), that party was a lot more coolness than he was used to. Maybe he just couldn’t handle it.
SHE: He got distracted. I can’t believe you’re defending Xander.
HE: Compared to other behaviors in this episode, his isn’t really that bad. Look at Buffy. You just got slipped a mickey, so what do you do? Wander upstairs to a vacant bedroom. Ingenious!
SHE: She just wanted to lie down. And everyone knows once you’ve been mickied, you’re not going to be shrewd in all your decisions.
HE: Boy, do I know that.
HE: Those paisley bedcovers belong in a hotel. I know, because I used to work at one.
SHE: The room looks way too nice. I know, because I’ve seen college rooms.
HE: Snap! Tom Warner is not a gentleman!
SHE: He seems sinister now. Plus his chest looks disgusting.
HE: I remember that fad. Only it was branding, and not…
SHE: Carving? Eww!
HE: How does Angel shave? It is difficult, but possible, to shave without a mirror.
SHE: How many band-aids do you need at the end?
HE: Depends. Are you using a regular razor, or one of those big-ass Sweeney Todd blades?
HE: Machida…isn’t he the guy that makes the spoons and plates and knives?
SHE: Actually it’s Mikita. Maybe that’s why our economy is in the dumper. These guys were stopped from making their offerings.
HE: I heard that a virgin girl is worth 300 points on the Dow. At least they’re properly humble around Machida. They attribute all their success to him.
SHE: It’s the appropriate way to worship.
HE: You so seldom see that nowadays with demon worship. You make the sacrifice, get the bounty, and then prance about like it was all your doing.
HE: Not one of Cordelia’s better moments.
SHE: Even the victim on the left is tired of Cordelia’s idiocy.
SHE: Why can’t Buffy get out of this already?
HE: Buffy—get some leverage against the wall and push, girl! Don’t just shake the chains!
SHE: It’s like she forgot all her training.
HE: Giles needs to prepare her for situations like these. obviously. Since they tend to be the ones she finds herself in on regular occasions.
SHE: He could turn the library into a S&M chamber.
HE: I’m shocked. And strangely intrigued.
HE: Xander snuck up on Angel. Crazy.
SHE: Night is day. Dogs and cats, living together! But he finally turns out to be useful, because as you pointed out, he gives the group valuable information and they all lock elbows and go in to fight the bad guys.
HE: Very funny, you. I want to know why they threw away that robe. Was there something wrong with it?
SHE: Maybe it had blood stains.
HE: Or some manner of stains, anyway.
SHE: Yuck.
HE: Big deal. You dry clean it.
SHE: These guys are so wealthy, they can afford to throw it out and buy a new one.
HE: “With Buffy!” That sort of came out of nowhere.
SHE: Angel vamps out because he loves his honey!
HE: In these early shows, however, it doesn’t take much for Angel and Spike to vamp out.
SHE: He went from zero to enraged in half a second. It was exciting.
HE: It lacked depth and nuance.
SHE: You lack depth and nuance.
HE: Take that back.
HE: Buffy saves Cordy yet again. And out of all the saves, this one has to be the most irritating so far.
SHE: The situation was all her fault.
HE: Willow: “Some guy’s attacking Buffy with a sword. Also, there’s a big snake!” It’s the “also” that makes it hilarious.
SHE: Willow is quite helpful in this episode.
HE: When she’s not running interference for Buffy and putting her in danger as a result.
SHE: Buffy put herself in danger. Willow let the others know where she was.
HE: Not initially. Willow is an enabler.
SHE: When you’re a teenager, that translates to ‘really good friend.’
HE: Point taken, unfortunately.
HE: “Let her go, Wormy.” Is it just me, or was Wormy, a.k.a. Machida, kind of a wuss?
SHE: He was easily slayed. It didn’t take much at all.
HE: Cordelia: “You guys…I just hate you guys. The weirdest things just happen when you’re around.”
SHE: That’s classic. Through thick and thin, she blames them.
HE: She hugs Angel, and avoids thanking Buffy, who did the saving.
HE: What lesson was learned in this episode?
SHE: The rich really are different. That’s what I took away from it.
HE: I learned that making stupid decisions ultimately comes with no repercussions.
SHE: If you went to a frat party, the snake would have eaten you.
HE: What if I had gone to a sorority party?
SHE: The coven would have sacrificed you.
HE: That’s hot.
HE: There goes Jonathan, serving Cordelia. Someone’s happy Cordelia didn’t get eaten by a giant snake.
SHE: She lets Jonathan think he has a chance if he gets her order right.
HE: You mean cinnamon chocolate half caf, half fat, extra foam? I would have got it right.
SHE: Good for you.
SHE: I wrote dialogue that would fit the ending to this episode perfectly.
HE: About how Angel is now wearing lipstick?
SHE: No. Here it goes:
YOU: So I hear this kitchen bakes really good cookies. Maybe you could make some sometime and I could eat them.
ME: Yeah. Sometime. I’ll let you know…
What? You didn’t like it? You’re like, where’s Cordelia? I’m a character in the show now. I’ve got to go find her!
HE: No, I was just stunned at how disconcerting your ending was. That character, i.e. me, should definitely have gotten to eat those delicious cookies.
SHE: Well, now you know how Angel felt when she walked away from him.
HE: Damn. You two are diabolical.
Next time: A Season Two favorite, "Halloween"
12/26/08
Merry Christmas! SHE is excited about getting a Kit-Kat clock for Christmas, while HE is thrilled about getting the fifth season of The A-Team, but wonders where he can pick up a decent copy of Jesus El Nino Dios. In this episode, we learn about the secret influence of the Illuminati in Sunnydale, what Buffy and Sisyphus have in common, and contemplate the perpetual humiliation of Xander.
A Quiet Evening?
HE: Bollywood movies on TV. I like their idea of fun. I wish we got those here.
SHE: I’m sure you can get them on Netflix. But why would you want to? Only one person out of the three got it.
HE: Oh honey. You don’t have to understand art to appreciate art. Xander haging out with the girls here, which is oddly appropriate.
SHE: Interesting he doesn’t turn out to be gay.
HE: I don’t think that was ever definitively established.
SHE: Run, girl, run! The cemetery is that close?
HE: It would have been hilarious if Callie would have climbed over the fence, and then the guys in the hoods would have ran through the open door right next to it.
SHE: Or even better, they all got killed by vampires lurking in the cemetery.
HE: Or by the Illuminati. Why is there a pyramid in this park?
SHE: Maybe it’s the Freemasons.
School Chat
SHE: I can’t believe Cordelia is studying this stuff.
HE: She’s thinking about her future. I think it’s commendable.
SHE: You would.
HE: I love Cordelia’s forced laughter. She has a classy look this episode.
HE: Speaking of horrible shirts!
SHE: I didn’t notice it. Maybe I’ve just become inured.
HE: That’s a horrible shirt. Puke green.
SHE: On second thought, it is horrible. I thought it was a jacket, which would be at least forgiveable.
HE: “You’ll go to college someday, Xander. I just know your pizza delivery career will take you so many exciting places.” That was an awesome burn, Cordelia!
SHE: He stops to get burned by Cordelia. He can never think of anything to say back.
HE: He gets the first strike in, but never the last. Cordelia’s friend sort of looks like Beth from News Radio. I love her.
SHE: There’s lots of women in TV land you love.
HE: But my heart belongs to you, baby.
HE: Why does Giles even try that shiznit with Buffy? He should just stick with Lecture-Fu.
SHE: That’s his strongest weapon.
HE: Destroying Buffy’s will to live with his talking. Meanwhile, Giles all, “We all have to do things we don’t like.”
SHE: Unfortunately, Buffy, you have to do them all the time. And death will be your only release.
HE: She’s the Sisyphus of Sunnydale!
SHE: Who’s Sisyphus again? You have to tell me, because I have a life.
HE: Har har. Sisyphus was that Greek guy who had to push the rock up the hill, only to have it roll down when he got near the top. Then he’d have to do it all over again. For eternity.
Well, that would suck.
A Party
HE: So Xander’s skipped 3 classes.
SHE: We can’t really wonder why he doesn’t get any brighter as the show goes on.
SHE: This part is unbelievable. Would college guys really want to hang out with high school girls?
HE: Are you serious?
SHE: They’re at the age where it really doesn’t matter?
HE: I think they’re portraying these frat guys as predators. I too think it’s a little creepy for college seniors to be trolling the high school looking for dates, but I can totally see it happening.
SHE: How often did you troll high schools when you were in college?
HE: That’s not relevant. What’s relevant is the giraffe pants Buffy is wearing. Also the fact that Richard appears to be wearing lipstick.SHE: Maybe he just came from a gay bar.
HE: I also like Cordelia’s inappropriate laughter.
SHE: Again. Duly noted. HA HA HA HA HA!
HE: Hilarious.
SHE: Xander should take notes on how Tom woos Buffy.
HE: If that other guy wasn’t such a douchebag, I’d say it was good cop/bad cop. This is kind of an instructional video about being a wingman.
SHE: So Richard’s repelling Buffy towards Tom?HE: Brilliant strategy. Then Giles comes in, all heavy-handed. He’s really being kind of a dick in this episode.
SHE: More reverse psychology.
Practice and Patrol
SHE: Why does Giles even bother with attacking her?
HE: What exactly is Giles teaching Buffy during these practice sessions? How to avoid breaking someone’s face? How to pull your punches?
SHE: Yeah, because she really doesn’t beat him up very badly.
HE: He’s teaching her self-restraint?
SHE: Kind of counter to the cause.
HE: Hello, it’s Angel! That counts as a sneak-up! She jumped and everything.
SHE: Count it!
HE: “I was just thinking…” You know, every time Buffy is “thinking,” it usually presages something really bad happening. You ever notice that?
SHE: Her being lost in thought is a catalyst?
HE: Exactly. It’s like she has this power that when focused, is deadly and overpowering, but is constantly being defused by stupid stuff and side issues.
SHE: And that’s when things go wrong.
HE: Right. Not only in this episode, or this season, but the whole series, I’d argue.
SHE: So Angel’s messing with her mind in this episode.
HE: Yepperoonie.
HE: “This isn’t a fairy tale. When I kiss you, you don’t wake up from a deep sleep and live happily ever after.” That was pretty cool.
SHE: Intense. Then you paused it.
HE: I had to watch it again. Sorry about that.
SHE: I was in the moment until you “had to watch it again.”
HE: And then Buffy says, “When you kiss me, I want to die.” I love lines that give you pause, and don’t have all their meaning and layers immediately laid out for you.
SHE: Part of her wants to succumb, and it makes perfect sense.
HE: She’s warring with herself. There’s the French le petit mort, the little death, a euphemism for orgasm that this line seems to allude to, as well. Having one’s identity subsumed into someone else’s?
SHE: It’s all or nothing with teenagers. At certain moments, Buffy and Angel were very passionate.
HE: Except for the cookie dough metaphor. I can never forgive that goofery.
Party Invitation
HE: Cordelia looks great in that tank top and black bra.
SHE: Buffy curled her hair. It looks pretty.
HE: Whenever there’s an extended period of serious ritual, you know something humorous is a comin! “Brewski time!” And there it is!
SHE: Did you notice one of the brethren whistling as he was coming down the stairs?
HE: At least we didn’t hear a bong percolating.
The Bracelet
HE: Look! A card catalog! That’s so hot!
SHE: Made me feel a little weepy. I love a good card catalog.
HE: With actual cards.
SHE: Are kids allowed to jump on the counters at your library?
HE: I think our librarian would disintegrate them with her laser eyes.
HE: Look! Willow’s jeans have been bedazzled! There’s a flower embroidered on them!
SHE: I missed the bedazzled jeans!
HE: You really need to develop an eye for this sort of detail.
SHE: I usually catch the detail.
HE: No.
HE: Cordelia is doing Buffy a favor—teaching her how to be a wingman.
SHE: It’s commendable that she’s so straightforward with Buffy. She’s a real pedagogue.
HE: Another Cordelia classic coming up: “You could belong to a fraternity of rich and powerful men…in the Bizarro World.”
SHE: Burned again! Dang! You should be keeping track.
HE: “That’s not askew. That’s cockeyed.” Good one, Xander. If I were writing a poem about Xander, I think I’d call it, Xander’s Ballad of a Townie. Because it’s really quite sad.
SHE: But Willow’s a townie. And she doesn’t suffer the same mental setbacks.
HE: That’s because Willow, unlike Xander, is actually competent at a few things.
SHE: So Xander’s pretty much stuck in Sunnydale.
HE: There’s always the Army! But we get ahead of ourselves.
The Fraternity
HE: Here’s Cordy having a fender bender on the way in.
SHE: She never really masters driving. That’s something she and Buffy actually have in common.
HE: That’s right. Buffy is a bad driver, too.
SHE: I’ve never been to a frat party.
HE: Neither have I. Too bad Xander didn’t stay away. He never has much luck at these things.
SHE: He served no purpose at this party other than to entertain the frat guys.
HE: He advanced the plot wagon. Somebody had to tell Angel and Giles what was going on, and everyone else had been roofied.
SHE: He told Angel and Giles what they already knew. And he pointed out that the guys were wearing hoods. Wow, that was really the difference maker.
HE: I’m sure there was a good reason to make sure that Xander got humiliated. There has to be.
SHE: Xander failed in his mission. He didn’t find Buffy. Instead, he starts dancing and chatting up those girls.HE: He had to tell them it might have been a cult.
SHE: Maybe the purpose was just to show where Xander existed in the social order.
HE: And to have him dress up like Rocky Horror.
A Missing Girl
HE: That frat guy is wearing a v-neck sweater and a t-shirt.
SHE: Very 90’s. I liked that look.
HE: And the douchebag is boasting about his Argentinian junk bonds that just matured into double digits…what the hell does that even mean? Somebody get Patrick Bateman or Gordon Gecko or somebody to explain this to me.
SHE: I don't know who any of those people are.
Buffy in Trouble
HE: Buffy was roofied before roofies were cool.
SHE: Roofies were never cool. As Xander is being kicked out, he finally remembers Buffy. His whole reason for being there.
HE: In Xander’s defense (and I can’t believe I’m mouthing those words), that party was a lot more coolness than he was used to. Maybe he just couldn’t handle it.
SHE: He got distracted. I can’t believe you’re defending Xander.
HE: Compared to other behaviors in this episode, his isn’t really that bad. Look at Buffy. You just got slipped a mickey, so what do you do? Wander upstairs to a vacant bedroom. Ingenious!
SHE: She just wanted to lie down. And everyone knows once you’ve been mickied, you’re not going to be shrewd in all your decisions.
HE: Boy, do I know that.
HE: Those paisley bedcovers belong in a hotel. I know, because I used to work at one.
SHE: The room looks way too nice. I know, because I’ve seen college rooms.
HE: Snap! Tom Warner is not a gentleman!
SHE: He seems sinister now. Plus his chest looks disgusting.
HE: I remember that fad. Only it was branding, and not…
SHE: Carving? Eww!
Talking to Angel
HE: How does Angel shave? It is difficult, but possible, to shave without a mirror.
SHE: How many band-aids do you need at the end?
HE: Depends. Are you using a regular razor, or one of those big-ass Sweeney Todd blades?
HE: Machida…isn’t he the guy that makes the spoons and plates and knives?
SHE: Actually it’s Mikita. Maybe that’s why our economy is in the dumper. These guys were stopped from making their offerings.HE: I heard that a virgin girl is worth 300 points on the Dow. At least they’re properly humble around Machida. They attribute all their success to him.
SHE: It’s the appropriate way to worship.
HE: You so seldom see that nowadays with demon worship. You make the sacrifice, get the bounty, and then prance about like it was all your doing.
Calling Machida
HE: Not one of Cordelia’s better moments.
SHE: Even the victim on the left is tired of Cordelia’s idiocy.
SHE: Why can’t Buffy get out of this already?
HE: Buffy—get some leverage against the wall and push, girl! Don’t just shake the chains!
SHE: It’s like she forgot all her training.
HE: Giles needs to prepare her for situations like these. obviously. Since they tend to be the ones she finds herself in on regular occasions.
SHE: He could turn the library into a S&M chamber.
HE: I’m shocked. And strangely intrigued.
HE: Xander snuck up on Angel. Crazy.
SHE: Night is day. Dogs and cats, living together! But he finally turns out to be useful, because as you pointed out, he gives the group valuable information and they all lock elbows and go in to fight the bad guys.
HE: Very funny, you. I want to know why they threw away that robe. Was there something wrong with it?
SHE: Maybe it had blood stains.
HE: Or some manner of stains, anyway.
SHE: Yuck.
HE: Big deal. You dry clean it.
SHE: These guys are so wealthy, they can afford to throw it out and buy a new one.
HE: “With Buffy!” That sort of came out of nowhere.
SHE: Angel vamps out because he loves his honey!
HE: In these early shows, however, it doesn’t take much for Angel and Spike to vamp out.
SHE: He went from zero to enraged in half a second. It was exciting.
HE: It lacked depth and nuance.
SHE: You lack depth and nuance.
HE: Take that back.
Fighting for Life
HE: Buffy saves Cordy yet again. And out of all the saves, this one has to be the most irritating so far.
SHE: The situation was all her fault.
HE: Willow: “Some guy’s attacking Buffy with a sword. Also, there’s a big snake!” It’s the “also” that makes it hilarious.
SHE: Willow is quite helpful in this episode.
HE: When she’s not running interference for Buffy and putting her in danger as a result.
SHE: Buffy put herself in danger. Willow let the others know where she was.
HE: Not initially. Willow is an enabler.
SHE: When you’re a teenager, that translates to ‘really good friend.’
HE: Point taken, unfortunately.
HE: “Let her go, Wormy.” Is it just me, or was Wormy, a.k.a. Machida, kind of a wuss?
SHE: He was easily slayed. It didn’t take much at all.
HE: Cordelia: “You guys…I just hate you guys. The weirdest things just happen when you’re around.”
SHE: That’s classic. Through thick and thin, she blames them.
HE: She hugs Angel, and avoids thanking Buffy, who did the saving.
A Lesson Learned
HE: What lesson was learned in this episode?
SHE: The rich really are different. That’s what I took away from it.
HE: I learned that making stupid decisions ultimately comes with no repercussions.
SHE: If you went to a frat party, the snake would have eaten you.
HE: What if I had gone to a sorority party?
SHE: The coven would have sacrificed you.
HE: That’s hot.
HE: There goes Jonathan, serving Cordelia. Someone’s happy Cordelia didn’t get eaten by a giant snake.
SHE: She lets Jonathan think he has a chance if he gets her order right.
HE: You mean cinnamon chocolate half caf, half fat, extra foam? I would have got it right.
SHE: Good for you.
SHE: I wrote dialogue that would fit the ending to this episode perfectly.
HE: About how Angel is now wearing lipstick?
SHE: No. Here it goes:
YOU: So I hear this kitchen bakes really good cookies. Maybe you could make some sometime and I could eat them.
ME: Yeah. Sometime. I’ll let you know…
What? You didn’t like it? You’re like, where’s Cordelia? I’m a character in the show now. I’ve got to go find her!
HE: No, I was just stunned at how disconcerting your ending was. That character, i.e. me, should definitely have gotten to eat those delicious cookies.
SHE: Well, now you know how Angel felt when she walked away from him.
HE: Damn. You two are diabolical.
Next time: A Season Two favorite, "Halloween"
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Inca Mummy Girl
Season Two, Episode Four
12/20/08
A Joyous Yuletide Season to you, Hellmouthers! Is it a messenger bag or a purse? SHE thinks it’s a bag, while HE believes it’s a purse. In this episode, we learn about ancient Hebrew scrolls, collector plates, and the erotic appeal of the Twinkie.
The Mummy
HE: Buffy says that there will be danger in her house within three days. It’s like Benjamin Franklin said—fish and visitors go bad after three days.
SHE: And unfortunately for Buffy, she does have danger within three days. Because she boards the bad guy.
HE: You’d think Joyce would have sniffed that one out, her being from Peru and all.
SHE: Joyce isn’t from Peru.
HE: Pardon my dangling participle.
HE: Rodney Munson shouldn’t be touching the masks. Why is he touching the masks?
SHE: Why is he touching anything? And what’s a megillah?
HE: It’s some sort of Jewish expression. Because Xander is Jewish, don’t you know.
SHE: I thought Willow was Jewish.
Editor’s Note: It’s the Hebrew word for scroll. Certain books of the Old Testament are read in their entirety on certain Jewish holidays. The Book of Esther is read on the Feast of Purim, and although the holiday is a happy one, sitting through Esther can be a trial, as it is tedious in all its detail. (Thanks to World Wide Words.) So to hear “the whole megillah” is to listen to a long, tedious story. It has nothing to do with the following:
HE: Look! a collector’s plate protects the mummy! Some do not gain in value!
SHE: I like the predictability of the mummy grabbing Rodney when he breaks the plate. I do that to guests who break my plates.
HE: I don’t understand Rodney. His sole purpose here seems to be to get the plot wagon rolling. He’s touching stuff he’s not supposed to, and generally acting bizarre for no reason.
SHE: In the beginning, all we know about Rodney is that he isn’t smart. He wasn’t malicious in his intentions. To get the story going, bring in a dumb person.
HE: Joss could have had Xander break the plate.
SHE: That would have been cool.
HE: And in keeping with his character, as he tends to bring most of his trouble on himself. Then you could have had economy of characters by eliminating Rodney.
Looking for Rodney
SHE: Look! A dance at the Bronze! That rarely happens.
HE: The S.H.S. World Cultural Dance. What does S.H.S. stand for?
SHE: Are you serious?
HE: Yes…?
SHE: You really don’t know. Are you ready? Sunnydale High School.
HE: I was thinking…maybe Symbionese Hilarity Society, or…
SHE: Stop.
HE: “I’m so stuffy, give me a scone.” Buffy should add that to all her exchanges with Giles, like the Arabs append “Death to Israel” to all their speeches, regardless of the content.
SHE: I like scones.
HE: That’s not true. No one likes scones.
SHE: I baked some a while ago, and you liked them.
HE: That’s because they weren’t authentic British scones. Authentic British scones taste like rocks. Everyone knows that.
HE: Here Oz makes his first appearance.
SHE: Yes. He does. It’s kind of a crazy introduction. You’re just looking at Oz, and he’s talking about girls with some other guy, and it’s like, here’s a new character. Look at him.
HE: You know Oz will be important because Joss does a close-up on his face. Several times.
HE: Here comes Willow, all ready to paint the library.
SHE: She isn't wearing one here, but there will be lots of hats in this episode. I'm dreading it, really.
HE: Lots of atrocious hats. The most atrocious hats Willow has worn to date.
SHE: You gotta feel bad for her, because she wants to be attractive, but every morning she ruins it by putting on a flipping hat.
HE: A character who will not last long is the poncy guy with the knife.
SHE: He seems like an “unbudger.”
HE: In all fairness, the Bush administration was packed with unbudgers.
SHE: That was bad.
Empada
HE: Ampata, Empada? I wish they’d make up their minds up on his name. On the DVD menu, it’s Empada, but on the closed captions, it’s Ampata.
SHE: I’d like to know how the mummy knew to go to the bus station to pick him up.
HE: I’d like to know how the mummy learned such perfect English while being stuck under a concrete slab for 500 years.
SHE: That was another thing I was going to marvel at. Maybe the Incan priests put some Berlitz courses in there for when she got bored.
HE: I’d also like to know where the mummy learned to master verbal irony. It leaks out in nearly everything Ampata says. How are things where you come from? Cramped and dead. Oh ho ho, I get it!
SHE: Just a skosh of dramatic irony thrown in there, too.
HE: By the way, the actual exchange student’s sleeves are way too long for him.
SHE: But when she wears the shirt, it fits.
HE: And it’s hot.
Editor's Note: It turns out that Ampato is a dormant volcano in the Andes of Southern Peru, as is Sabancaya, a larger, active volcano. Sabancaya is the god the Incas were trying to appease by their virgin sacrifices, you might recall.
First Day of School
HE: Sven is hilarious. Dolph Lungren in a sweater.
SHE: I didn’t get the comedic value of Sven. If you could speak English, why did you stand there like a doofus?
HE: It’s easy, for two reasons: 1) he was a one-note rimshot later on, and 2) he got caught in the Cordelia maelstrom, as we all do.
HE: What’d you think of Oz with the soul patch?
SHE: It’s not a soul patch. He has some fuzz on the chin, too.
HE: A lot redder than later on, too. And the zebra van makes its debut. We’ve got these peripheral figures flitting about like satellites in Season Two, Oz and Spike…
SHE: That’s what was missing in this episode. Couldn’t let Spike in because you let Oz in. I wonder if it’s an either/or. I’ll keep track of it.
HE: Sweet Jesus WTH is up with Willow’s homeless hat?
SHE: It’s constant hattage for Willow. I guess it’s to make us feel sorry for her.
HE: I don’t feel sorry for anyone who chooses to put that garbage on her head.
SHE: To me it says mental illness, hence my sympathy.
HE: Hence my nausea.
HE: Giles figures the only way he can translate the plate is to get a teenager to translate it. This is the best plan he could come up with? It’s the equivalent of assuming the black student can teach him how to execute a pick and roll. Or asking an Asian kid for help with quadratic equations.
SHE: He’s desperate. There’s a mummy roaming around killing people. There’s no good reason for it.
HE: Giles is just being lazy. He’s mailing it in. But I suppose he can’t be “on” all the time.
SHE: Maybe the theme in this episode is stupidity. If he hadn’t asked her, he would have gotten it right.
HE: Xander’s wearing his man purse again…please make him stop.
SHE: It’s a messenger bag.
HE: Is Xander on a bicycle at any point in this episode?
SHE: No…but that doesn’t change the fact that is a messenger bag. I’m just happy he’s not wearing a patterned shirt. Any time he does, it is fugly.
HE: It’s because he comes close to a romantic role in this episode. Can’t take someone seriously when they’re wearing textile barf.
SHE: And so we should not take Willow seriously in this episode because they keep slapping a hat on her head. Thank you for illuminating me.
The Mummy’s Power
HE: You know, that Twinkie probably dates from Ampata’s time period. Because they’re supposed to last forever.
SHE: Yes. I get it.
HE: Ampata probably could have deep-throated that thing if she wanted to. That’s just a guess.
SHE: Yuck! At the very least she sucked the life out of it.
HE: I could have done with a longer shot of the Twinkie eating.
SHE: You wanted to watch Xander eat that Twinkie? This episode is doing bizarre things to all of us.
HE: Willow says she has two choices. Of course, Willow has a third choice. Abandoning guys altogether. If you know what I mean, and I think you do.
SHE: Okay…
HE: Because later she turns gay.
SHE: Yeah, I got that.
The Bodyguard
HE: This bodyguard sucks at his job. He’s 0-2 already.
SHE: He’s not good. He does make a good stalker, though.
HE: Yes. No one ever sees him coming. Not Rodney, not Ampata, not…Buffy!
SHE: Chalk another up. Even though she doesn’t wig out like she usually does.
HE: Find the other pieces of the seal? That’s brilliant! It only took half the episode to come to that conclusion.
SHE: Watchers can’t be on all the time. I once tried to boil an egg in the microwave, and I’m a fairly good chef.
HE: I guess you’re right. In all fairness, there are a lot of distractions everyone has to deal with in this episode. Although I’m not really sure what Giles’s problem is, because Jenny is nowhere to be seen.
HE: Hey, you want to know what Xander’s big secret is?
SHE: What?
HE: His secret is that that is actually a girl’s purse.
SHE: It’s a messenger bag. I’m going to beat you up.
Already Dead
HE: This bathroom scene proves what we said. The bodyguard is excellent at stalking, and basically a sucky bodyguard, because he gets waylaid by a teenage girl.
SHE: She sucks him dry. And we’re talking beaucoup bucks moisturizer dry.
HE: She says, “Gimme some sugar” to her bodyguard. And then he does. All of it.
SHE: And when she comes out of the bathroom, she looks fabulous, because she just ate a man.
HE: She sucked the creamy filling out of his Twinkie.
SHE: Eww!
HE: Why is Buffy so anxious to unpack Ampata’s crap?
SHE: She’s tired of loaning her everything.
HE: Wait ‘til she gets a sister.
The Chosen One
SHE: Ampata is really sweet when she’s not sucking men dry. One could overlook the death stench on her.
HE: I'm sure her breath is extremely horrible. I like Xander’s costume with the hat and the gaucho poncho.
SHE: Too bad it doesn’t reflect a real culture.
HE: It reflects the culture of Leone. Sergio Leone, not Sierra Leone.
HE: I nearly shat myself when Joyce popped out of nowhere for her cameo.
SHE: I was startled. Suddenly, there’s Joyce.
HE: I thought I was going to have to add to the Buffy Surprise-o-Meter.
SHE: She does it again for her other line.
HE: Freaky! This disembodied head pops in to say something maternal. Shiver!
SHE: It’s like a reverse Keyser Sozhe. And poof! she was there.
The Trunk
HE: Dingoes Ate My Baby makes its Buffy debut. What do you think of the band?
SHE: Four Star Mary wrote their music.
HE: Who the hell is Four Star Mary?
SHE: They’re the ones who wrote their music.
HE: Cordelia looks great as a Hawaiian.
SHE: Yeah, she does. And she brings a man with horns on his head.
HE: Sven as a Viking…how original. Clearly that was Cordelia’s idea. You know, this event may have been misnamed. Willow as an Eskimo. Some dude dressed as a Hasidic Jew. I think this was actually Dress as Your Favorite Cultural Stereotype Night.
SHE: What possessed Willow to pick that outfit?HE: Maybe she was planning to match what Xander was originally going to wear.
SHE: He was coming as a whale?
HE: Sometimes you wish the show was longer. Then we wouldn’t have questions like these.
HE: Oz gets a lot of face time here. And by face time, I mean FACE time.
SHE: He takes up the whole screen. I think the writers want us to know he’s going to be a new character.
HE: Oz is one of the ones who was supposed to be killed off, but because of his popularity, wasn’t.
Dance with the Dead
HE: Oz has been hit with the lightning bolt. Or harpoon as it were.
SHE: The Willow-Xander thing must have been boring the writers.
HE: Is it wrong to say love-harpoon?
SHE: Yuck!
HE: Ampata should go ahead and kiss Xander…she put enough lipstick on. He should be safe.
SHE: Instead, we watch the video montage of falling in love without kissing.
HE: How very conservative! As most horror tends to be.
SHE: Then she freaks out and goes to make out with Jonathan backstage.
HE: Maybe it was the boner in Xander’s pants that freaked her out.
SHE: We’ll never know, will we?
HE: Oh, I think we know.
Kiss of Death
HE: Jonathan gets to the Inca mummy girl first! Hooray for him.
SHE: What culture was Jonathan from?
HE: He was a cowboy.
SHE: But he was wearing shorts!
HE: Maybe he was from the Village People. They’re a culture.
HE: This scene is very beige-colored. And dang these close-ups are extremely close-up in this show. I mean, Ampata’s head doesn’t fit in the screen they’re so big.
SHE: But you enjoyed Xander being sucked up, I’m sure.
HE: I about feel sorry for him. Ampata’s like, Oh, screw it—she can’t resist her urges anymore. An allegory for teenage lust.
SHE: And just think, if Rodney had been brought up to behave, none of this would have happened.
Empada’s Last Chance
HE: Here’s Giles doing all the scholarship he should have been doing all along.
SHE: Is that mystical rubber cement?
HE: That’s an excellent point. I’m sure when that collector’s plate shattered, there were tiny bits that didn’t make it back onto the reassembled plate.
SHE: Meaning?
HE: Meaning that mystical seal isn’t going to be 100% effective. Some Inca Mummy Girl might leak out.
HE: Oz misses his chance at Willow: “Who is that girl?” First time he says it, not the last.
SHE: And we’re all wondering, “Who are you?” We all know who that girl is.
HE: Oh! Is Ampata going to kiss Buffy? Hot! No, just threw them in the tomb. Oh! Is Ampata going to kiss Willow? Hot! No, here comes Xander. Dang, this scene sucks.
SHE: I’d like to point out that in this scene Buffy is seriously dressed down.
HE: I don’t think they wanted someone competing with Ampata.
SHE: She’s supposed to be the radiant one.
HE: Sorry, Xander, for tearing the limbs off your date!
SHE: That was gross.
HE: I like how they didn’t muck up the denouement with a lot of talky-talky. The less said after an incident like that, the better.
SHE: They didn’t even mention how Xander cann’t get a normal date.
HE: Too soon. Besides, he does that himself in the next scene.
Gypped
HE: That is an atrocious skirt Buffy is wearing.
SHE: I hate the white one she wore in the beginning much more.
HE: “Sucking the life out of people.” That’s a coincidence. Buffy has the same problem with Angel.
SHE: If this is love, why I can’t I fit your whole head in my mouth?
HE: That seems to be the nature of these all-consuming loves, as it were.
SHE: Har har.
Next time: Season Two continues with “Reptile Boy.”
Saturday, November 29, 2008
School Hard
Season Two, Episode Two
11/28/08
SHE comes in from the kitchen with more pie, and says, “Oh, are we starting?” HE understands that this is Thanksgiving humor, and grants her a courtesy laugh. In this episode, Spike makes his Buffy debut. Nuf sed.
The Slayer’s Soiree
SHE: What kind of reaching out is this—making juvenile delinquents help?
HE: It’s a surefire way to insure that the evening is a disaster. Who better to put in charge of parent-teacher night than a student who stabbed a horticulture teacher with pruning shears?
SHE: Why did guidance put Sheila into horticulture in the first place if she had issues?
HE: I can answer that. No doubt guidance doesn’t think horticulture is a real class, and they treat it like a dumping ground for the scum of the school, like they do with art and music.
HE: Sheila is the proto-Faith—did you notice? She dresses like a skank, she loves cars, and she’s a brunette.
SHE: That’s right! But I didn’t know Faith loved cars. I thought she loved knives.
HE: I don’t think it’s as much the car itself, but what you can do in the car.
SHE: Thank you for that clarification.
HE: What’s with Xander’s gigantic purse? There’s no getting around the fact that that is a purse.SHE: Look at his shirt. I dropped my pie! Wait, I don’t care anymore because here comes Spike!
HE: We don’t know it at the time, but this is an iconic moment. Spike running over the “Welcome to Sunnydale” sign. Junka junka, junka junka…I forgot about the guitar riffs.
SHE: I was ecstatic when I saw the Caddy.
HE: Dang, he’s already vamped out when he gets out of the car. And his first words in the series?SHE: What?
HE: “Home sweet home.” Are you kidding? Am I going to be the one who documents all of Spike’s firsts? I can admit I have a mancrush on him, but…
SHE: I was too busy shouting “Yes!”
Spike and Drusilla
SHE: Spike can kill me for fun.
HE: I guess I deserve this after all my Cordelia comments.
SHE: Ah, Nancyboy—that’s your insult, sweetie!
HE: I love Spike’s comment about the crucifixion. That’s such a perfectly withering jibe to make about wannabes.:
If every vampire who said he was at the crucifixion was actually there, it would have been like Woodstock.
SHE: We don’t get to see his normal face until Drusilla walks up to him.HE: And yet we know she so seldom has a calming effect on him.
HE: “Who am I kidding? I love to brag!” I love how much fun Spike has doing his job.
SHE: He really enjoys his work.
HE: Watch out, Drusilla and the Anointed one are having a creep-out contest. Drusilla’s got that cat-stare-at-nothing look going, so I have to go with her on this one.
SHE: I like Drusilla’s creepiness more. The Anointed One is a tired thing at this point.
HE: I sincerely believe Joss Whedon felt that, too. There is a sea change in this episode that you can trace throughout, what with the changing of the guard, and the reemphasis on fun, not ritual…
No More Disappointments
HE: Joyce should call the school and get Buffy’s scores if she’s so worried about it. Nowadays you can go online and get them. SHE: Yes, but this was back in the Dark Ages. Besides, it’s sweet to watch her parent.
HE: Right, but again I say, if she was so worried, she could have picked up the phone and called, oh, I don’t know, a teacher!
SHE: That wouldn’t have made a very interesting plot point.
HE: Do you like Buffy’s pajamas? They have flowers, watering cans, and shovels on them.
SHE: Was that on purpose?
HE: I suppose she wears pajamas every night on purpose.
SHE: No! Is that her latent support for horticulture?
HE: What? I blanked out when you said “whore.”
The Night of St. Vigius
SHE: Spotted it first! Scooby t-shirt on Willow!
HE: What did it look like?
SHE: It was just Scooby. Aren’t you going to tell us the significance of that shirt?
HE: Um, no, I think I’ll let you do it.
SHE: It’s one of the things you find out in Buffy trivia. They don’t start talking about themselves as the Scooby gang, but they kind of flow into it. You must be tired or something.
HE: Actually, I was focused on how the order never accurately calculated the Mesopotamian calendar, according to Jenny. And Miss Calendar should know about calendars, waah wahh.
HE: Why is Buffy covering for Sheila?
SHE: Because that’s what bad kids do. They cover for each other. Honor among thieves.
HE: None of what you said applies to reality, my dear.
SHE: Well, this show was set in the nineties. It was different back then.HE: Kinder and gentler, what with the bicycles built for two.
SHE: You’re thinking 1890’s.
HE: Taffy pulls. Sunday school picnics. The Teapot Dome Scandal.
SHE: Okay, you can stop now. And the Teapot Dome Scandal happened in the 1920's, wiseass.
HE: Hey, there’s new music at the Bronze.SHE: Can’t believe they take homework to the Bronze.
HE: That lead singer wears glasses.
SHE: He looks like an engineering student. What was the name of the group?
HE: Nickel, I believe. Their poster was conveniently posted behind the band as they were performing. Joss likes to do that. He likes to plug the band on a poster, or a sticker in a locker, or something like that during the show itself.
HE: Xander is wearing a shirt that does not suck in this scene.
SHE: I wondered about that. Then I thought it may have been a trick of lighting.
HE: You are as correct as you are beautiful. We should assume that his shirt sucked as always, and that any non-suckage was an optical illusion.
SHE: Yes, that’s best.
The Vampire’s Prophecy
HE: Spike’s first visit to the Bronze occurs here.
SHE: And I wonder if the menu has the Bloomin’ Onion yet.
HE: It’s downright mean to talk about The Outback during the show.
HE: I enjoy how Spike watches and scouts before he tangles with somebody.
SHE: It’s really very intelligent of him. Why does Buffy just let him walk off?
HE: Beats me. Miles to go and promises to keep, I guess.
SHEILA: [notices her two companions are missing] What happened to them?
SPIKE: They got sleepy.
HE: Lookie here! Angel knows Spike!
SHE: Intrigue! But I’m only fake-intrigued by this development, because I already know how Angel knows Spike.
HE: We all know how Angel knows Spike.
SHE: What I don’t understand is how unhelpful Angel is for someone who was called by the Powers That Be to help.
HE: Thank you for that. It’s like Angel got the cosmic equivalent of jury duty being sent to this Hellmouth, and he’s only going to do what he absolutely has to, nothing more.
SHE: He really is mailing it in.
HE: Did you notice the bit about the nature of the Hellmouth and how it perks up the vampires? It’s like a spa, like Baden Baden or something.
SHE: It’s convenient to have all those teenagers on the Hellmouth.
HE: Like “Happy Meals with legs,” as Spike would say.
Preparations
HE: Jenny with her hair up isn’t nearly as hot.
SHE: I am loving Miss Calendar’s updo. I think she looks fabulous.
HE: Sarah Palin kind of ruined the updo for me.
SHE: Yes, but you must watch the show in the context of the time.
HE: Dang, that was a very historical criticism-like thing for you to say.
SHE: I do love to criticize.
HE: That’s a neat outfit Cordelia’s wearing. Very Eastern.SHE: I love how she’s there to insult, even when things are very bad.
HE: She will insult you through thick and thin, through good times and bad. She’s always there for you…with an insult. She says she’s going to get her legs waxed…think she does it anywhere else?
SHE: This is Buffy the Vampire Slayer, not Sex in the City.
HE: Yeah, but do you think she does? Okay, what’s with the facial expression?
Parent-Teacher Night
HE: Their parent-teacher night looks about as well-attended as ours.
SHE: There’s what, seven people there?
HE: More if you count the vampires. But they probably didn’t sign up for times.
William the Bloody
HE: William the Bloody was known for torturing his victims with railroad spikes. What do you make of that?SHE: Lots of misinformation in this episode. I don’t think the railroad spikes ever get mentioned again.
HE: It makes me think of Promontory Point, Utah, and the Transcontinental railroad.
SHE: It makes me think of my trip to Chicago last summer on the train.
HE: Because you traveled on a spike?
SHE: Because you mentioned trains. This is a great episode, and we’re stuck on railroad spikes.
HE: Spike may be only 200, but he’s 2-0 vs. slayers. That’s a record you can’t argue with.
SHE: But Giles doesn’t tell her this before she faces him.
HE: Why, is that kind of thing important?
SHE: It’s probably best she doesn’t know.
The Party Crashers
SHE: Xander does a lot of non-comprehending what he’s supposed to do, although his shirt could probably be a first good attack.
HE: To daze and distract the opponent? Or just reduce their morale to a shambling heap?
SHE: I think it’s hard to fight when you’re barfing.
HE: The vampire Spike’s talking to looks like he has jaundice. Many vampires have this affliction, I’ve noticed, but not our favorite ones.
SHE: I think it’s all in their diet. The stronger they are, the better pickings they have regularly. You know there’s got to be weakling vampires out there who can barely kill mice.
HE: Oh no! They’ve cut the phones…no one can arrange a salon appointment to fix Jenny’s hair!
SHE: I think Jenny’s hair is perfectly fine.
HE: Well, you’re wrong.
SHE: Says the man who wants to cut his own hair at every opportunity.
HE: Ain’t no beautician gonna tell me how to do me!
SHE: You got that from a movie.
HE: Yeah, okay. Sort of. Drumline. I stand by my statement.
Buffy Takes Over
SHE: This was a very tense sequence. I was nervous, and I had seen it before.
HE: Where the hell is Angel? You’d think he’d show up to face his old nemesis.
SHE: Slacking off. I have to ask—do they still have axes in cabinets at school?
HE: No. I think I speak for many education professionals when I say I’d rather see the building burn down than see a teenager with an axe.
False Allies
SHE: Does this count as another sneak-up on Buffy?
HE: No, because in order to count, Buffy 1) cannot know that the sneaker was there, and 2) she has to jump or otherwise express surprise once the sneak-up has concluded. Neither of these conditions have been met.
SHE: She did seem surprised that Sheila had become a vampire.
HE: Xander as bait! I love it! Don’t really know what purpose it served, but I love it.SHE: Usually Xander’s giving it to Angel.
HE: Seriously, what was the point of all that?
SHE: Angel was trying to make Spike think he was still Angelus. Thus giving Angel the excuse to walk around with Xander in a headlock.
HE: I like how Angel didn’t bother to fill Xander in on the plan. “Undead liar guy,” he says. What a doof. So Spike doesn’t know Angel has a soul. I thought he knew.
SHE: Oh, he knew. In that scene Spike knew.
HE: Alright, then my point is this: How could Angel not know that Spike knew already?
SHE: Uh…lack of working at it, like everything else? Like I said, just an excuse to put Xander in a headlock.
HE: Who says Angel doesn’t have fun?
Face Off
HE: Spike calls Angel an “Uncle Tom.” Dang, that’s quite an insult.
SHE: Of course, young viewers today wouldn’t get that reference.
HE: Sadly, you’re correct.
HE: Here’s another first! The first Buffy-Spike fight!
SHE: I sense tension between Spike and Buffy.
Let’s focus on the fight, turbo. How would you score it?
SHE: Buffy won.
HE: No way! I’d say it was a draw…although I’d have to say that Spike was ahead on points when Joyce broke up the match.
SHE: What an ending to a fight scene.HE: Yeah, the mother of one of the combatants interferes and stops the match. I think I saw this on WWE Raw once. I’m going to declare that Spike is 0-0-1 v. Buffy.
A Little More Fun
SHE: Snyder knows about vampires. Now we know he’s evil.
HE: Worst. Conspiracy. Ever. It’s interesting how early in the series, Whedon has everyone still somewhat oblivious to all these supernatural goings-on, and then later it just becomes one of those extremely poorly-kept secrets that everyone already knows about.
SHE: I like how Spike calls that kid “the Annoying One.”
HE: The book on the annoying kid has been closed, mirabile dictu. That was truly awesome. No wonder Spike wasn’t killed off, as he was originally supposed to have been.
SHE: Bravo.
HE: The feast was ruined by Spike’s impatience! A trend is born.
SHE: We could put a scoreboard up for that one, too.
HE: “Spike Gets Impatient”? You may have something there.
HE: “Let’s see what’s on TV.” After all the tumult, this is a great ending line.
SHE: Very anti-climactic. I bet they watched “Passions.”
Next time on Hellmouth Follies: “Inca Mummy Girl.”
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