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The Dark Age

Season Two, Episode Eight

2/9/09

Welcome back, Hellmouthers! SHE is super-excited about her Valentine's Day knitting books, and HE is super-excited about his new pens. In this episode, we learn how not to treat head injuries, how to lose the security deposit on your apartment, and about the point of an Onslow.

Murder and Aerobics

HE: The rapid plinky piano music always spells trouble!
SHE: Plus the guy looking scared. Run, guy! Wait! Is that Jayne!
HE: Too short. Don’t talk to the night janitor with muttonchops!
SHE: And the bald head. He doesn’t look so good.
HE: He stepped on a crack, I think. There goes his mother’s back?
SHE: Was that my stomach growling? No, that was just a zombie moaning.
HE: So basically Buffy’s music killed somebody…that’s some pretty unfortunate irony.
SHE: I was going to say aerobics killed this man, but you’re right. it was the music.
HE: Meanwhile Diedre turns into Double Dare goop.
Ew.

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Mind Games

HE: When Giles has nightmares, he dreams of U2, apparently.
SHE: Have you played “Anywhere but here” lately?
HE: I don’t even know how to respond safely to that. Funny that Willow fantasizes about John Cusack…isn’t he gay, too?
SHE: No! John Cusack is not gay.
HE: Oh wait, that’s Mathew Broderick.
SHE: You can tell this show is old, because the teenagers are wanting to be eating ziti with John Cusack.

HE: “There should be more math. This could be mathier.” I feel the same way about English. This could be Englisher.

HE: Nice juicebox, Xander.
SHE: He’s like a six-year old.
HE: I want to know which Forester book is it? Remains of the Day? Howard’s End?
SHE: Which book would Giles have loaned Jenny?
HE: Hmm. Good question. I could see him as the butler from Remains of the Day, and Jenny as that wacky woman from Howard’s End.
SHE: Jenny said he’s a sexy fuddy duddy. Giles and Calendar sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G.
HE: What are you, six? She wants to see him squirm. Dude! She totally wants the sex! Dude!
SHE: And it was so nice when you said that the first time.
HE: I know I’ve talked a lot about Jenny’s proclivities, but you have to admit, she’s got it bad right here. Do you admit it?
SHE: Her pheremones were reaching out and grabbing him in the junk.
HE: I can’t believe you just said that.
SHE: You told me to admit it.

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A Homicide

SHE: Lippy Cordelia. Cordelia is so lippy. Would you really enjoy having a lippy Cordelia in your class?
HE: What makes you think I don’t? Cordelia gets a special pass, though. I love it. Cordy comes in, stays, and leaves without a clue. She never knows.
SHE: What’s more important is that there’s no concern. She doesn’t care to figure out what the heck is going on.
HE: It isn’t about her.

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Blood Drive

SHE: Did Buffy drive to the hospital? She’s standing next to what looks like her mother’s car.
HE: Well, no sense in letting it all go to waste!

HE: Angel says “it’s delivery day. Everybody knows about delivery day.”
SHE: They’re a tightly knit vampire community in Sunnydale. I’m surprised that with all the violence in Sunnydale that all the blood they need for the month fits in a cooler.
HE: Oh, I’m sure they complain all the time about shortages. Just like every other whiny hospital.
SHE: Aw, nice.
HE: Thanks, Onslow. Which reminds me what I want for my birthday…

HE: Is this the first time we have seen Giles’s apartment? I don’t remember.
SHE: Yeah? There are steps leading down to Giles’s apartment, but there are steps going up to the apartment complex.
HE: Trippy.

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Old Friends

SHE: He has the mark. Zombie rising!
HE: “So. You’re back.” Nice Apocalypse Now moment with the water bowl. Whedon uses that again later at the end of Season 4 with Xander’s dream.
SHE: How does the zombie get out of the drawer? It’s not like there’s a latch on the inside.
HE: Maybe it does. Maybe they have a lot of bodies that don’t turn out to be dead after all. Maybe it’s a precaution.
SHE: So they make the drawers easy to open from the inside?
HE: Sorry, we thought you were dead!
SHE: La la! We’ll be more careful next time!

“Okay class, the first thing we’re going to do is…Buffy!”
“Did I fall asleep already?”

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Ethan

HE: There are a lot more stacks in this library than one thinks!
SHE: It’s hard to find people in a library
HE: I mean, seriously. I thought there were only a few. I guess there’s more.

SHE: Did you notice the doors leading to yet more stacks?
HE: No. I thought this library was like some interdimensional vortex where it expanded or contracted depending on the needs of the story.

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What’s Going On?

SHE: What’s going on? What’s coming? What’s going on?
HE: Xander gets tossed off by Ethan rather easily, but then Ethan gets dropped by a Cordy kick to the shins.
SHE: That didn’t make a whole lot of sense to me. That power in her kicks must come from all the cheerleading.
HE: I think it speaks volumes about Xander’s wimpiness. Look, our second library cage detainee…is Phillip the Zombie! Yay!
SHE: Also the first one to escape the library cage.
HE: I think they forgot to lock it. Nobody noticed the big cat eye thing. Now how could a roomful of people miss that?
SHE: I’m sure every time they made out, the kids averted their eyes.

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The Mark of Eyghon

SHE: Giles was very firm. The rest of the episode will be teenagers hanging out and not worrying about the Mark of Eyghon.
HE: I’ve been waiting to say this…Eyghon, take me away!
SHE: Sigh.

HE: Hey look, Cordelia is reporting for duty! First time?
SHE: It’s really kind of sweet of her.
HE: In a stupid, useless sort of way.

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Possessed

SHE: Nice lamp. Did you not notice Giles’s lamp?
HE: I was too busy grappling with Giles’s overreaction here. Oh big deal, Giles…she got pushed down by a zombie.
SHE: He goes a little weird in this story.
HE: I thought “Halloween” did a better job of presenting Giles’s menacing younger days. And I was right there with Giles when he was doing the Apocalypse Now look in the mirror. But he gets a little wimpy here for my tastes.
SHE: A lot of sniveling.
HE: Dude! embrace your inner bad boy.
SHE: I learned from CSI that alcohol is not the best thing for a head injury. I think that was whiskey.
HE: Maybe he’s giving it to her to distract her from that horrible looking tattoo. It looks like a tuba stuck to a treble clef.
SHE: Personally, I wouldn’t want to be possessed by a tuba. I think that would be horrific.
HE: Okay Jenny, didja haveta yank the cord out of the wall? You couldn’t just disconnect the jack?
SHE: If she just disconnected the jack, then he could just plug it back in. Plus, he’ll lose the deposit, and that’s more evil. And look, first he serves alcohol, then tea. He gets her intoxicated, then tries to sober her up.
HE: She says, “You’re like a woman, Ripper.” I’m beginning to believe it. Come on, Giles! Rally, man!
SHE: Pull yourself together!
HE: Jenny/Eyghon’s face is going to be ketchup soup when it goes through that window. I don’t care how leathery your demon skin’s supposed to be.
SHE: Why didn’t it take the door, except it wanted to make sure that security deposit was gone.
HE: I think it peed on the rug on the way out.

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History

HE: Look! Giles used to look like Dave Coulier!
SHE: Who’s Dave Coulier?
HE: The funny uncle from Full House. I put “funny uncle” in scare quotes, by the way.
SHE: He was cute when he was younger. He didn’t look threatening in any way.
HE: Dave Coulier was never cute. Oh, you probably means Giles. Hold on loosely, Giles! You’re going to lose control!
SHE: I’m still loving the lamp.
HE: Nobody cares about the lamp.

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Initiation

HE: What a dumbass. Never, never, never turn your back on Ethan!
SHE: Ever ever.
HE: I like the line about how the stinging will go away once the searing pain kicks in.
SHE: I wonder if you have to have a special potion for your tattoo to summon demons.
HE: Like something you rub on it afterwards? Like a salve?
SHE: Like something mixed in with the ink.
HE: Like on that episode of The X-Files when Scully gets that tattoo of the snake eating its own tail?
SHE: The ourobouros? Did that summon a demon?
HE: I don’t remember. It was hot, though.

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Showdown

HE: Xander is picking a fight with a girl. Well, that’s consistent.
SHE: Cordelia is right, too. She could take him.
HE: Just kick him in the shin. He’s such a girl.

HE: Look at Calendar now. Egad, those ears.
SHE: She looks like an evil elf.
HE: Maybe after she’s done killing everyone, she’ll build some toy trains!
SHE: Or make cookies inside a tree!

HE: Well, you have to hand it to Ethan…it takes balls to pour acid on your arm.
SHE: For our readers, I don’t recommend removing a tattoo by dumping acid on it.

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It’s Over

HE: Finally Angel does something useful! Although it really doesn’t make up for killing Jenny later.
SHE: It just makes his relationship more confusing. I wonder how one kills a demon that’s in one’s body. Other than go all cartoony for a minute.
HE: I’m sure there’s places where you can get a demonectomy. I think Angel’s just lazy.

HE: So…Jenny’s skin goes back to normal?
SHE: Rather quickly, too.
HE: Convenient for her, I suppose. Permanent disfigurement would have made Giles’s conundrum a lot easier to solve. “Yeah, let’s just be friends.”
SHE: “I’m not loving the ears. Let’s just talk at work.”
HE: Apparently in Sunnydale, tattoo removal can actually be paid for with an allowance.
SHE: And if you’re trying to hide it from your mother, you can still wear spaghetti straps.

HE: Check out Jenny distancing herself. Brrr! I would have thought Jenny would have been into the whole bad boy thing.
SHE: She’s a little fickle, isn’t she?
HE: I guess she likes to be the bad boy. Way to blow all your cred, Giles.

SHE: Who were The Bay City Rollers?
HE: Apparently they are not music. I think I’ve heard of them. When we were cleaning out my parents’ house, I found a bunch of crap. And I think I saw one of their records. I left it behind with Captain and Teneille, Andy Griffith Sings…
SHE: You probably could have sold it on Ebay because it’s rare and nobody likes it anymore.
HE: Well, unlike you, I happen to have a conscience, and I would not do that to people who have not done me any harm.

[Editor's Note: Thanks to our new Photo Impact software, we no longer rely on other websites for the images you see here. But thanks go out to screencap-paradise for the use of their images in our postings before this point!]

Next time: "What's My Line?--Part One