"Witch"

Tonight’s episode, “Witch,” introduces Amy Madison, a peripheral character who first becomes a running joke and later a decidedly bad influence on Willow. Meanwhile, Cordelia begins to hit her stride as the show’s self-involved überbitch, Xander continues his irrelevance, and the mystery of tiny TV gymnasiums is revealed.

Something Normal

HE: Alright! Cheerleading tryouts!
SHE: I’m nostalgic for cheerleading outfits that look like that.
HE: With the pleated skirts and…
SHE: Sweaters that cover?
HE: I’m not. Always be moving forward, that’s my motto.
SHE: That’s because you’re a horndog. You like stripper cheerleaders. And that was Walt Disney’s motto, by the way.

HE: A “yours always” bracelet, Xander? LAME!
SHE: But sweet.
HE: But lame. What was he thinking? That’s the kind of stuff I would have pulled in third grade.
SHE: He’s just not as sophisticated as you are. Of course he didn’t have 200 girlfriends.
HE: Would you just let it go?

Willow: That girl’s on fire!
Cordelia: Enough with the hyperbole!

HE: I love that exchange!
SHE: She’s snooty, but she can actually identify hyperbole.
HE: Back in my day, even the lazy kids could identify hyperbole.
SHE: They also delivered milk in the morning.
HE: And they designed microchips during lunch. They certainly wouldn’t have let two crispy stumps get in the way of their dreams like Amber did.
SHE: It’s the music, it’s the music—that kind of music would set me on fire, too. Oh, well. Viva C+C.
HE: Amber’s a loser. I don’t care how stretchy she is.

She's snooty, but she can actually identify hyperbole.
SHE: Amy trains six hours a day, and she still sucks.
HE: Cordelia’s right. She's got a destiny.


Not a Vampire Problem

SHE: Giles waxing lyrical about fiends makes me think of Wesley.
HE: “That’s the thrill of living on the hellmouth.” A definite Wesley moment.
SHE: Did they model Wesley on early Giles?
HE: Maybe all watchers start out that way. Then their slayers die and they get jaded.

HE: Willow calls herself and Xander the Slayerettes. This is a nickname that did not stick.
SHE: When did they get to the Scoobies?
HE: No doubt there are people out there who have already parsed that question.
SHE: I’ll take that as an “I don’t know,” then.

HE: So why did Joyce have those stupid boxes delivered to the HOUSE?
SHE: Yeah, that made no sense. She’s not parenting, she’s just obsessing over the past. It’s interesting to see how she gets unbusy so she can meddle around in Buffy’s business.
HE: Catherine Madison would have made her go to Slayer Camp.
SHE: Slayerlochen?
HE: Vacation Slayer Study Camp?

The Cheer Queen’s Daughter

HE: Willow and Amy hung in junior high, but they have some scuff-ups in Season 6, and a big battle in Season 8 (the comic book).

SHE: People drift apart. And change. And become witches, apparently.
HE: Guess her father wasn't that great an influence.

The Alternates

HE: A big locker room threat by Cordelia! Oooowooo!
SHE: Cordelia’s a go-getter. You have to admire her passion.
HE: She’s proactive.

HE: Xander calls Willows “my guy friend that knows about girl stuff.” He’s so clueless.
SHE: Poor Willow is like a guy.
HE: With Eddie Munster hair.
SHE: Are her clothes fashionable yet?
HE: You’re asking me? You’re the one who’s always trying to get rid of my clothes!

HE: Is this the first time a scrunchie has been used in a voodoo ritual?
SHE: Cordy’s scrunchie is the symbol of doom. For Cordy.
HE: She becomes blind. I didn’t know you wore them around your eyes.

Great Parenting Form

HE: Joyce’s outfit looks like she should be talking to HAL the computer on 2001.
SHE: I didn’t think so. It looked okay.
HE: Now she’s telling her to be on yearbook. As if.
SHE: Your daughter never opens a book—why would you think she’d want to be on yearbook?
HE: It’s not for everybody.

A Curse on Cordelia

HE: Poor Xander, invisible to both Cordelia and Buffy.
SHE: Poor Cordelia! Aren’t you going to rescue your honey? Your secret crush?
HE: It’s just occurred to me that Xander has trimmed his bangs.
SHE: That’s excellent; we can see his eyes now.
HE: His beady little eyes, as Anya will say.

SHE: Cordy can’t control the car. But she gets in the car. But she can’t control the car. But she gets in the car.
HE: I guess she was panicking about going blind. The spell made her foot stompy, too?
SHE: Or she’s just an incredibly bad driver.
HE: She did flunk driver’s ed twice. And yet later she’s driving a convertible.
SHE: I feel bad for Mr. Pole.
HE: She got saved by Buffy. That’s twice now.
SHE: Omigosh, you’re right. Let’s put up a scorecard.
HE: Can do.

The Witch Test

HE: They’re using aqua fortis. Did you know that I’m an Aqua Fortis man?
SHE: Did you know that aqua fortis, or nitric acid, was used by alchemists to dissolve silver?
HE: HNO3 way!
SHE: Yes way. Bookbinders also put it on leather to make those marbleized covers.
HE: I love Wikipedia. Pretty sneaky how they put the witch test together in the lab.
SHE: Aren’t they supposed to be dissecting frogs? What control does that teacher have?

"Mr. Anderson, how do you expect to cheer...without a mouth?"
HE: Hey, until the moment the black girl’s mouth gums up, I think he had very good classroom management. Most people were on task, except for Buffy, Willow, and Xander, of course.
SHE: They looked busy?
HE: Busy, quiet, either is acceptable. That girl’s mouth gumming up was creepy.
SHE: It’s The Matrix! “Mr. Anderson, how do you expect to cheer…without a mouth?”

Buffy’s Good Mood

SHE: Here’s Buffy sucking down the orange juice!
HE: She wants to be a macho man.
SHE: Loopy Buffy’s hard to take. And where has Angel been?
HE: I’m thinking he doesn’t want to be around that.
SHE: Isn’t he supposed to be watching out for her?
HE: Maybe he’s scouting the Master. And this whole episode happened during the daytime. Even the basketball game, which I don’t understand.
SHE: We also don’t see the Bronze in this episode. Another nighttime-only thing.


Wasted Youth

HE: I love it when Buffy tells Xander he’s “totally and completely one of the girls.”
SHE: In vino veritas, don’t you know.
HE: And the circle of frustration is complete.
SHE: I don’t think he’s even one of the girls. What role does he serve, really? He’s one more lump for Buffy to rescue. Willow’s more useful than he is.
HE: Comic relief, then?
SHE: But he’s not funny.
HE: Picks up the pizza?

SHE: Here we get the first look at Giles’s car.
HE: What kind of car was that?
SHE: I don’t know. A gray piece of crap. What do I look like, the Blue Book?
HE: “You will shut up and listen to me.” You tell him, Giles!
SHE: Why is it that Willow has known Amy all that time, and can’t figure out the switch, but Buffy figures it out in five minutes at the house?
HE: The brownies tell all! Katherine switched the bodies!
The brownies tell all!

SHE: Body switching. I love body switching!
HE: Buffy and Faith switched, too.
SHE: Willow becomes Warren.
HE: And Angel switches with that old guy on his show.
SHE: Giles gets transformed into a demon.
HE: I don’t think that one should count.
SHE: In any case, Buffy got wasted, and Katherine said Amy’s youth was wasted. Hence the switcheroo.

The Counter-Spell

SHE: The cat scared me.
HE: Why are cats always kept in boxes to jump out at people?
SHE: Because it’s scary.
HE: I’d imagine they’d be ready to pounce, stuck in a box. There was also a puss-in-the-box in Alien.
SHE: It’s another classic.
HE: Like the shoulder grab.
SHE: Or the fog rolling in.
HE: Or the car that won’t start.
SHE: “I’ll be right back.”
HE: “My flashlight went dead.”
SHE: We watch too many movies.

HE: Dang, that is a small gymnasium. It’s like they’re playing in the practice gym. That’s a TV convention. For some reason, you always have a gym with a maximum five bleacher rows.
SHE: They can’t fit any more in the camera shot.

HE: “Corsheth and Gilail…Be sated, release the unworthy!” Look, Giles is soaking in it!
SHE: I never understood why they didn’t make Giles a warlock. Wouldn’t that have been helpful?
HE: They could have made Xander a warlock.
SHE: Giles would have actually done stuff. Xander, you’d have to have a spin-off for all the horrible things that went wrong. He’s not all that bright.
HE: What would you call it?

I didn't know the periodic table was so hard!
SHE: The Xander-Giles Comedy Hour?
HE: The Fresh Wizard of Sunnydale?
SHE: Zany. No Time For Sorcerers? That Sorcerer’s Show?
HE: Welcome Back, Moron?


Mother’s Revenge

HE: Dude! You punched Amy’s mom!
SHE: Amy’s mom was not nice. She was mean.
HE: [Buffy is knocked up against the wall in the science lab.] I didn’t know the periodic table was so hard! Ha ha! Get it?
SHE: I didn’t know that mirrors could reflect so much. Lasers, spells…
HE: Did you hear me? I said, “I didn’t know—”
SHE: Yes, yes, I heard you.
HE: Giles says this was his first casting. HE’S LYING! THE RIPPER IS LYING!
SHE: Yeah, I forgot about that. See, he should have been a warlock. He casts his “first” spell and it goes fine. Willow casts one and people lose their minds and don’t know who they are.

A Cheerleader Forever

HE: “I don’t get it” says Joyce. That’s her answer.
SHE: I’m sorry. Joyce is in a different episode, and she keeps wandering into this one.
HE: When Joyce is on the screen, I’m thinking, ‘bathroom break.’ And that’s with us watching it on DVD.
SHE: I want to get a sandwich. And I’m not even hungry.

SHE: Buffy wears a horrible outfit in this scene for some reason. It’s like she got in a fight with the 1970’s and lost.
HE: You usually love everything she wears.
SHE: I know. That’s why it jumped out at me.

HE: Oh no, it’s the FREAKY STATUE!
SHE: Love the freaky statue.
HE: Boring view for Catherine.
SHE: Is she holding her arms out like that forever, too?
HE: She’ll probably cramp up. What happens to her when the school blows up?
SHE: Good question. Hope she likes rubble.

HE: So, you like this episode?
SHE: Yes. And it’s really fun to watch Season Two with Oz and that trophy. No one ever tells him about it. “Her eyes follow you wherever you go.”
HE: I thought it was okay. What’s next?
SHE: “Teacher’s Pet.” That’s the one with Xander and the bug lady.
HE: …
SHE: Wipe the drool off your chin, sweetie.

Next time: “Teacher’s Pet”